barely_out_of_monday silentbob I have these conflicting irrational fears rattling around in my brain that are directly related to dying_alone both of which I will gladly share with you now. 1) my ability to like people is diminishing. I mean I like everyone but I am afraid I like people more in_my_own_head than I do in real life. Like I like the idea of them and am disappointed by them and they can never meet my expectation. But then again I have this expectation that I will only be disappointed. And that everything will end. 2) that the few people I believe I can truly love_actually, would never find me the least bit interesting or attractive or give me the time of day. I have this person or people in my head that are wonderful that I believe I have the capacity to love, the ability to like, the forever kind, the kind that would make me rethink parenthood, and I believe I can never win with them. The capital T Truth is, the people who I believe could never love me are in reality just people who didn't get the chance to disappoint me. If I actually did end up with them, the self-fulfilling prophecy would come true and it wouldn't be the same in reality as it was in my head and they would become another person I am incapable of liking actually. The capacity to love. Maybe those aren't conflicting, maybe they're actually co-ordinated. I don't know if any of this is true, it's just what I'm thinking about. 140210 what's it to you? who go blather from