a_letter_to_the_past stork daddy it's hard to think about life, and harder to write about it. to glamorize and stylelize your losses, to step back from the joy and wonder of your victories and turn them to cold insights. it is tiring to repeat each scene in your life as if you could change it, constantly find new meanings and contrasts just to benefit some future which you know, based on the one dependable lesson of all these pasts, will still blindside you. it is so much easier to surrender, to be exiled graciously, not paralyzed like lot's wife. it is hard enough to remember the past we are forced away from without changing it, let alone to write about it. it all seems something so fragile that the moment we try to touch it, it will crumble. 030627 ... endless desire dear you, things get better don't feel so hopeless don't do anything stupid love, me 040223 ... u24 If there was one bit of advice I could give my past self.. I wouldn't. 040224 ... . . 050326 what's it to you? who go blather from