i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_19as c r 0 w l as lilly sat in her studio, afternoon sunlight languidly filtering in by way of a floor to ceiling window, its gauze and linen curtains tied back, she was hard at work on her next painting for nancy, using a charcoal pencil to draw the preliminary sketches for the winter_flowers series for nancy's village garden shoppe. meanwhile, gavin, having exhausted himself "shreddin' the gnar" and being overly anxious concerning ruth's call, fell asleep on the thrift store loveseat, pulling a hand-nitted quilt that lilly's gram made her when she was four over his sore muscles. he had a headache, nagging him like the fear of being discovered. his jaw dropped slightly and his lips parted, just long enough for his breath to be audible. in utter relaxation he dreamt he was at dennis' house in topanga canyon. he was laying in the guest room bed asleep. he was dreaming that he was asleep in the guest room bed at dennis' house and suddenly woke to the clicking of an antique door knob and an ensuing hollow creaking of wooden floors, then a squeak of a hinge needing oil. he could see a slim, sleek narrow band of incandescent light spill upon the quilt. it was ruth. she was dressed in a white cotton singlet and cream colored panties. she stepped quietly into the room, closing the door behind her but not latching it fearing the unwanted noise would wake him. she did not want to wake him. at least not at first. she stole up to his bedside and could see his eyes closed. his mouth partly opening. with delicate precision she tore away at his thin sheet, exposing his naked body. 080202 ... unhinged nancy had decided that she wanted a series of paintings for each season that she could rotate on the solstices. because the seasons were relatively mild in california, nancy wanted lilly to paint flowers of the seasons from her childhood, especially the winter flowers. bare curly willow branches, poinsettia, holly berries, mums, all of them in varying microscopic detail. this was her first commissioned project and it was a huge commission at that. lilly couldn't help but think of the spring flowers she would choose while she painted the winter_flowers . painting was like a trance to lilly. after she did the preliminary sketch work, the color seemed to paint itself. maybe she could do a bunch of holly berry and poinsettia painting and go back to the same corner store and unload them. she was excited at the prospect of raking in more cash. she still felt weird that gavin was basically supporting her, buying her supplies, letting her stay in his house, buying all the groceries. moaning from the bedroom broke lilly's trance. gavin had been spooked by her crying fit. he had barely even tried to touch her for days. she set her paints and brushes down and walked toward the bedroom. gavin was rolling around on the bed but obviously asleep. trane was standing at the edge of the bed wagging his tail in confusion. he's dreaming about her, thought lilly. i'll just let him dream. what the fuck ever. i can't paint now. 'trane, come.' lilly hissed so she wouldn't wake gavin. he obediently trotted to her side. 'let's go for a walk.' trane went to the back door where his leash was hanging. lilly chuckled. sometimes gavin's only saving grace was his dog. she knelt down next to coltrane to clip the leash on. 'good boy. good trane. you are the only good loyal boy i know.' she scratched the base of his tail for him and he started painfully whacking her in the leg with it. 'i know. i know boy. that's the spot. damn, i sound like a bitter old dog lady. let's get out of here.' gavin rolled over in bed as the screen door clacked shut. 080203 ... c r 0 w l as gavin's dream continued, ruth leaned in close to gavin's bedside and reached for him in a surprising gesture of massage, rubbing his muscles with professional grace. gavin could feel it as if it were real and the happiness made him weep. over a period of several minutes, she extended the arching sweep of her fingers to nudge the area just at his groin. it sent him into a spasm of ecstasy. "gavin," he heard his voice uttered by a voice he had never heard in his life. the tone sounded masculine, almost fatherly. he tried thinking who it could be. perhaps it was dennis. what did he want? did he have some alternative organic drug to explore? was it jeremiah? was he jealous of gavin's affair with ruth? what affair? "gavin..." his name uttered again... this time, slightly feminine. was it ruth herself? waking him so he could be her lover. was it lilly? calling from the real world, breaking the ice around gavin's skates. "gavin...gavin....gavin...gavin...gavin..." he opened his eyes as the image and sensation of ruth accidently bumping his hardness shattered into a thousand pieces. it was lilly. "good evening, darling," she said. gavin saw her face sideways and was stunned by the cuteness. "hey," gavin said, "can i see your painting?" "sure, sleepyhead," lilly said, kissing his nose. "that's what i came in to get you for." 080204 ... unhinged gavin catapulted out of bed. it wasn't often that lilly let him see her paintings. still, she was secretive. he followed her into the room and stopped short at the easel that was almost centered in the small space. the painting was of a girl sitting on the stoop of a monstrous brick building. it was the kind of east coast architecture he had only seen in pictures. maybe it was a house. from the way the girl slumped onto herself as she sat, it could have very well been lilly but the face was blurred out. lilly leaned on the doorframe watching his reaction. 'did you have a good dream about her?' she was pretending to be very interested in the dirt under her fingernails. gavin jumped. 'what...?' he was floored by the seeming disinterest in her voice but scrambled to identify the slight tone of menace she couldn't completely hide. 'it was pretty obvious.' 'what are you talking about?' gavin took a step towards her. 'oh come on. don't lie to me. you weren't even going to tell me about what she did to you. which means you wanted her to. and she's still doing you, in your dreams.' gavin was stunned by lilly's prescience. it was the first time she had directly revealed to him her gift of being able to read people as accurately as a lab assistant can read test results. 'maybe....i....' 'speechless huh?' lilly brushed past him, took the painting off the easel, and left the room. gavin collapsed into a heap on the floor. what is my fucking problem? i like her more than i've liked anyone in awhile and yet i still can't fucking manage to be straight with her. he heard the sound of a hammer pounding nails into a wall downstairs. he dragged himself to a standing position and went downstairs. lilly spoke to him without even turning around. 'do you remember what today is gavin?' lilly was hanging the painting over their dining room table. after a quick calculation he answered her. 'our three month anniversary. maybe we should skip dennis' party tomorrow.' 'nope. no way. happy anniversary gavin.' lilly walked out the backdoor. gavin stared gaping mouthed at the faceless painting lilly had gifted him with. 080205 what's it to you? who go blather from