unpleasantness nom upstairs noises banging wtf hammering thunderstorm voices scared yelling waking dreaming dreaming waking open my eyes wake up wake up awake 060810 ... z a rather nasty bit of unpleasentness, eh little alex? - a clockwork orange 070108 ... srealismA I had never seen the internet before, and I liked it for the first three years and then i knew it would deterministically destroy whatever conceptions i had of my tenuous shot at life which started at around the same time. Sometimes i wonder if astrology is my crutch but it helps me grow and understand. My crutch is this. I was weakening and this got me from a to b. I suppose i might owe it my life, it might have wizened me, and it might have stolen from me better crutches and more reasonable options. But that is capitalism. It's not that special but it pretended like television or advertising. It was a crutch to me though because of my inability to downgrade its usefulness. I will in the future know about this computer stuff.... I will fight my heroic cyborg war like it is as normal as the day is long. And hopefully i'll be a snot too. I'll be nonschizo, married, I'll enact whatever tradeoffs to make that happen. Sorry god i know i ask a lot... (But i need to stop the desperate trading off for the time being. anything enacted lately seems so very misguided. It's not laziness it's caution blah blah) 151019 what's it to you? who go blather from