my_dad Aimee I just got off the phone with him. I've discovered that i have no emotional attachment to him. None. I could tell he knew that I have no respect for him. Even if he bought me a computer. It doesn't matter. A computer doesn't fix a lifetime of broken promises.... a computer doesn't fix the fact that we have nothing to talk about anymore. 010529 ... spoons A pathetic pot smoker who uses me so he isnt disowned by his own parents. Married to a bitch but the only thing he can say is well i made my bed now i gotta lay in it. 011204 ... scarlett The biggest asshole on this planet. Forget beatings. The emotional kind are just as deadly. Being told you are a bad person every day of your life does wonders for those with suicidal tendencies. No matter how many times you tell yourself at the beginning of the day that this will be the day that you do not let him get to you, it never is. You end up beating yourself up. The cool and caring facade that he puts up for others leaves you the bad guy. Where do you go from here? Being an adult does not necessarily give you the resources and privileges that I had suspected that it would. Now I am just an adult stucking playing a role I outgrew long ago. I hate my dad! 011205 ... birdmad died two and a half weeks after my eighteenth birthday i have those unresolved love/hate memories of him i know for the most part we probably would not get along now if he were here. 011205 ... pilgrim Strange but I rarely see or speak to him Though I have always liked him I know he won't live forever And I will no doubt regret this I just don't have much to say 011206 ... guitar_freak the workaholic 011219 ... jinx I have a dad? I thought those were things only in fairy tales... 020310 ... misstree haven't talked to him for eight years, ever since i left for college. stopped talking to that side of the family a couple of years later. the only person i miss is my cousin, who was just entering high school last i saw her. he raised me after my parent's divorce, but i never really cared about him. no abuse, just mutual apathy. he was a very intelligent man, though, and did pass some of that love for knowledge on to me. even if it was by exposing me to 1984 and clockwork orange before i hit 13. *shrug* 020310 ... little wonder mine did similar things giving me books to read that i probably shouldn't have been reading at the age of 12 the one that sticks out in my head the most is robert heinlein's to_sail_beyond_the_sunset 020310 ... silentbob he didnt much want a relationship with me when i was interested in him. he'd often tell me to leave the room or go away. i don't know what provoked this behavior, sometimes nothing. i always wanted to go camping and stuff like that. eventually i stopped. i found my own interests and methods of killing wasted time. then he started becoming interested in going fishing with me and camping and hiking and firing guns. its hard to fake interest. 020310 ... silentbob does anyone else notice that the word "Dad" hasn't been blathed under but "my_dad" has? what do you think this says about us as a blather society 030715 ... psychobabe i saw him again the other day. Driving around in his truck with her. Mickey. My dad has forgotten he has two other daughters. Sure, he spends time with the youngest of me and my two other sisters, but what about me and my older sister? Heh...its cuz she doesnt know him for what he used to be. Its cuz me and my older sister know him for what he was. My dad has fogotten he has a family. 030716 ... eatingstars my dad he is coming here today my dad who i love and love and love he is coming here and i don't know what to expect i don't know what to say i feel like i'm dying in side how can we be so similar and so unsimilar all at the same time? i am not immoral, but thanks for letting me think so. 060916 ... crowlish crOwl best wishes and sincere prayers for a memorable time with him... 060917 ... eatingstars not a very good memorable time. how am i supposed to choose between myself slash my friends and my dad? it should be easy you know, one or the other. make myself and my friends happy and forget my father, perhaps ruining our relationship. or make my father happy and piss of everyone in my house, including myself just to keep things going between me and my dad. i hate that i love him so much, that i can't desire to make myself happy over making him happy, i hate that it has come to this over the most rediculous dilemma. 060917 ... thorn a complete jerk. 070113 ... raze "as the god of squirrels said, all squirrels are connected, whether they know it, believe it, or chew it." he always knows the right thing to say. 221009 ... tender_square i woke him up from a nap to say goodbye yesterday and he rolled onto his back and threw his arms out at his sides for a hug while he muttered, "i was just trying to get my head right." 221009 ... tender_square “how are you?” i asked. “i’m old,” he said. 221201 ... tender_square i just overheard him say to my mom, "someday you're going to miss my hugs." 230112 ... tender_square "you don't have to do all this stuff on your own," he said of my shitty home repairs. i don't want to be a hapless and helpless daughter; he already has three of those. i don't want to insult the man either. yes, i want to do these projects together, but my father can only handle so much. if i don't learn now, i will always be at the mercy of laborours who overcharge those who don't want to get their hands dirty. 230220 ... tender_square says he isn't feeling well when we try and get him out of the house. he says he's coming down with something and wants to stay behind. when we ask how he's doing upon returning, he says he's fine. it ebbs and flows, this sudden sickness and miraculous recovery, several times per week. he checks out in the evenings. maybe it's the fact that he's seen these repeats of "big bang theory" a lot. but he doesn't even laugh. doesn't remark on anything that's happening on the screen, commercial or no. it's as if he can't focus on the program at all. i'll look up at him in his thousand-yard stare state and ask if he's okay and he claims he's fine. 230301 what's it to you? who go blather from