bawl unhinged loud, heart_rending gutwrenching sobs. wept 090515 ... unhinged it seems like recently it's been coming up a lot at work. how i live far away from my family, that i'm all alone here. my oldest student yesterday asked me 'well what do you do when you're sad?' i hug my pillows and i cry. and it could be the stupidest things, like a tv show, that make me realize there isn't a person here, right here, that cares. that would help me if something happened. not just a little something, but a big one. sometimes it just hurts so bad, i don't know what else to do. so i cry. and i am tired of crying and having nothing to hold on to but bedding. 090515 ... misstree i cling tight to a stuffed bunny the size of a labrador, named czeslaw milosz after a poet who wrote of an angel saying "day draws near. another one. do what you can." czeslaw squishes comfortingly into my arms, great floppy ears wiping my face as i shudder and clench and wail, and eventually the storm passes and he returns to the pile of pillows, knowing he has done well to help me weather, that he will hold all my tears and never tell, that he will be needed again. 090515 ... unhinged czeslaw_milosz 090515 what's it to you? who go blather from