overwhelm
jennifer feelings crash into me
like nightmares
washing over me
in hot jagged memories
000428
...
crimson My moods and surroundings
Shift as waves do.
Oh, the perilous waters of life.
Sometimes I feel as though I have spiraled backward
Into boundless cold waters
With no trace of light or escape
And a crushing pressure that
Builds with every moment.
030819
...
divine madness unable to follow the current
undeniably wanting not to
just so I may get to you
but you are taken by it and gladly I watch
as you drift away
and I, a solitary one, float
040121
...
broken axle Lunchtime. 040222
...
amy nada could be enjoyable, if it's not, like, a totally constant thing. if constantly overwhelmed, never having any fun. constantly making personal meaning out of things in an attempt to fight back. complexisaurus. boundaries are self-constructed, and brittle and easily collapsable. fragile ego. coping? right. the powers-that-be-in-the-psychosphere told me to just give up long ago. it's not maintainable. they are probably right, sad to say. unless a marvelous circus contraption of inspiration and assistance comes along. so my choices are to fight (on some level) or have faith in my survival. i keep it zen. (but pray and keep an eye out for circus contraption, for better or worse).

maybe i'm just undisciplined, but somehow i think it's more than that. lacking true faith in *earthly* reward. or, i'm at a deficit in some areas and try to overcompensate in others. i know i'm not in debt, metaphysically. one could argue that it's greed. oh well. what can you do? (serious question).
100302
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from