unexpected_compliments tender_square i once owned several vintage slips and peignoir sets; i began collecting them when i worked at a thrift shop alongside annaliese and erin when i moved to the states a decade ago. we got first dibs on every great item that came through donations and we were all clothes horsies with overflowing closets (neigh). seven years ago, i purged my wardrobe of many items i bought during that period in my life—polyester patterned dresses, high-waisted skirts, ornate jackets. there was something about turning to sobriety that made me believe that i had to subdue my personality in order to make an honest go of it, that all the loud and funky fashion was an extension of that desire to be messed up whenever i could. i got rid of all my vintage pajama sets during that period too; i had taken to wearing leggings and tees to bed, and lounging around the house in those same clothes with hoodies and wool socks. it became my uniform for home life and made it easier to exercise in the mornings dressed in stretchy fabrics to move through yoga poses. i’ve steadily rebuilt my wardrobe back to embody that joy i used to bring to dressing over the years and i think i’ve reached a point where i’m satisfied with what i own and the possibilities to mix and match outfits with basics that work for me. but being out of school since may has dampened my enthusiasm for getting ready when there’s nowhere to be. my uniform of leggings and tees, hoodies and wool socks gradually became a prison. yeah, i was comfortable but i felt like shit. i could wear the same clothes to bed and during waking hours for a whole week without changing. this monotony was a slow form of self-torture. a few weeks ago the idea for collecting vintage pjs sets again came to my brain. even if i wore leggings during most of the day still, i wanted what i wore to bed to bring about a new vibration. it didn’t feel like i was honoring the dreams i was being graced with by showing up like a slob to sleep. and so, i started browsing on etsy for sellers who were carrying what i was looking for. last week, i bought a peignoir set from a vintage shop in michigan. it’s a coral gown with an empire waist and has a matching robe. both are detailed with small scarlet polka dots and the v-neckline of both pieces are lined with the same color lace. it’s really a beautiful set. when my purchase arrived in the mail yesterday it was wrapped in tissue paper and ribbon and had a handwritten card from lynda, the seller, which read: “thank you so much! this set is so lovely! *you* will be *amazing*!” to tell the truth, i did feel pretty amazing trying it on for the first time. 211102 ... unhinged yesterday i was telling a different coworker the story of my neighborhood corvid terrorists complete with warrior ending and i noticed him laughing. i have taken a badass posture with him that is partially feigned because i have a crush on him and he is unavailable 'i laugh every time you tell that story' must have been a bard in a past life 211102 ... unhinged 'i wanna hear what's on her mind' and his eyes flicked off the curves of my body like caresses 211106 ... tender_square it takes at least twenty minutes to say goodbye in my family, it doesn’t matter if you’re on the phone talking or you’re with them in person trying to head out the door. you’ll say, “i’ve got to get going,” and they’ll proceed to tell you five additional stories about nothing pressing as though all the time in the world stretched out ahead. i had my shoes and my jacket on, and all my winter gear—my scarf, my toque, my mittens—purse on arm, when brea called me downstairs to “come and look quick” at a photo album. she pointed to a halloween photo of the two of us taken in our old family room on carling when i was five and she was three. i was dressed as a witch all in black, and she was dressed as a white kitten, half my size beside me. my kindergarten teacher, mrs. trembley, had invited brea to come to class that day to celebrate halloween with the rest of the kids and brea recalled the excitement vibrating through her little body. she said she was so small, she couldn’t even fit on the child-sized chairs in the classroom; she could barely hoist herself on top of one and once she did, her feet didn’t touch the floor. mom and mrs. trembley cracked up at the sight of her, she remembered this. when she looked up from the picture she said, “oooooh, i really like that scarf,” and ran her hands across the soft fabric on my collarbone. my plaid, jam-colored blanket scarf hugged my shoulders. “thanks seester.” “oh, and that jacket,” she cooed. i was surprised because brea doesn’t usually like my clothes. it was the first time i’d busted my coat of the closet for the season, a light pink wool blend that went to my knees. when i found it online, the store only had tall sizes left, and the sleeves were too long for me after it was delivered but i got a seamstress to take them in. i get compliments on the coat every time i wear it because it’s an uncommon shade for winter. “they’re both from old navy,” i told her. “i love the jacket too; they called this color ‘icelandic pink.’” we headed upstairs so i could leave. i reached into my purse and put on my eyeglasses for driving, a pair of pink wire aviators. brea said, “you look like robin williams in those glasses.” “huh?” “you know,” she snapped her fingers trying to recall the name, “from that movie where he worked at the film counter!” “you mean 'one hour photo'?” “yeah! that’s the one!” i closed my eyes and sighed. “and here i thought you were about to pay me another compliment; are you telling me that i look like a creeper?” “totally!” as meat loaf says, two out of three ain’t bad, i guess. 211127 ... tender_square a woman stopped me on state street. i was on the lamb after leaving an outdoor work lunch as it was still occurring, desperate for whatever time i could be anonymous and alone downtown without him. "i love your whole look," the woman said. and i gushed in return that i loved her colorful print dress, her friend's monochromatic soft pink ensemble. "you're both stunning!" i called. i had on red lips and wore gold wire earrings in the shape of hearts; they're so big they nearly reach my shoulders. 220524 what's it to you? who go blather from