sukhavati unhinged from what i remember, the word means 'bliss land' sic in sanskrit. the place where all the buddhas go, sometimes known as the pure land in korean buddhism. the funeral service was beautiful to me. just what i've always imagined a funeral should be, but have never actually experienced. debbie is the director of the center for a reason; her poise and kindness and compassion was just right for the situation. they had a poster board of pictures of nicholas. i didn't know him; but i had a vague feeling i might have seen him at the center once or twice. there was a picture directly in the middle of the board of him with big sunglasses on, possibly skiing in the winter because the trees in the background were naked, that my eye kept being drawn to. as the people filtered in, the grief was palpable. nicholas was only 35; it was a sudden and tragic accident so there were many girls my age sniffling. debbie opened the ceremony by saying some things about nicholas and inviting some people to also share some stories. his stepfather, brother, and a couple friends offered up some kind words. then the buddhist practices began. (at this point several people got up and left the room; that sort of thing pisses me off. the man was buddhist and wanted a buddhist funeral and some of the people in his life were so dogmatic that they wouldn't participate in his funeral. precisely why i'm not christian anymore...but that's another rant for another page) debbie instructed the room in how to do tonglen meditation. it is a meditation i have done since the very beginning of my buddhist(ness) but her instructions, and doing it for someone who has died to help lead them to their next incarnation was very powerful. it was also very powerful to sit in a roomful of people that were doing the same. 'breathe in nicholas' confusion and fear and breathe out to him his favorite cup of green tea' they had his meditation cushion and his favorite meal, steak cooked in his favorite sauce and his favorite green tea, in the meditation hall with us. (being so obsessed with the culinary_epiphanies i thought that part was pretty cool. i had kind of known that tibetan buddhists leave food for the dead for the 49 days they are in the bardo to help nourish them on their journey to their next life but i suppose it is a different thing to experience, than to read) then we chanted : HRIH in the profundity and brilliance of dharmakaya the compassion of avalokitesvara arises. in the magnificent and victorious vision we proclaim the jnana of amitabha. you are in the state of simplicity and you are free from fetters. you have actually attained the fundamental enlightenment. please look upon us forgive us our confusion forgive us that we have been misled by the samsaric world. i make offerings to you i rejoice in your virtues i request you to remain in our world and continue to turn the wheel of dharma namo amitabhaya samaya tistuam please accept drinking water, flowers, incense, light, perfume, food, and music. i praise your magnificent wisdom and power. you can liberate all sentient beings with one glance of your prajna and upaya. i request you to liberate the sentient beings who have passed and departed from their physical lives. may they be released from their samsaric fetters and attain liberation at once. if not so, may they attain a good human birth which is free and well favored. if that is not possible, may they be freed from the lower realms. i aspire to and worship your vision and your vow so that this particular sentient being (nicholas) and all other sentient beings may be liberated from the fetters and klesas, so that they may begin to overcome their mental obstacles and begin to understand the notion of egolessness. (then a picture of nicholas was burned before we continued chanting the closing part of the ceremony. the original picture they made for this purpose was on such nice photo paper that it wouldn't burn so the ceremony was slightly interrupted while one of the instructors made a photocopy that was then burned while we chanted the closing:) may they be free from the ayatanas. may they attain a state of liberation. may the merit of the sangha provide eternal companionship for them. may the blessings of the teacher lead them on their journey. may their relatives and companions proceed with them on their journey. namo amitabhaya HRIH (until the picture is completely burned) the thing about this ceremony that struck me was when debbie said 'the purpose of this ceremony is to let nicholas go, to let our confusion go, to help him on his journey' i wish these practices would have been available to my family when my grandparents died. part of my complete conversion to buddhism (i've realized recently that i have been buddhist since i was a small child) was watching my grandmother cling to her life because she knew people in our family were not ready for her to go. the last 13 months of her life were horribly painful; she hated that we had to feed her and help her bathe and go to the bathroom. she felt like she had no dignity in her illness and death. my grandfather died more suddenly; he went to the hospital and found out his prostate cancer had also become bone and lung cancer. six days later he died. he told my father he already knew he was going to hell so he didn't want a church service. my father could not find a single priest so come to the funeral home because of that. my father even said to one of the priests 'this is not about my father. his soul has already been judged. are you telling me you won't help your parishioners in a time of need? i thought that is what you were for' nicholas' sukhavati ceremony was exactly what my family needed in those times. a ceremony to help us let_go. a celebration. an offering. guidance. i am still touched by debbie and her leadership and presiding over that ceremony. now i know what i want for the family i leave behind. 100918 ... cr0wl that was an amazing, detailed and thorough examination. thanks for doing that. i like all the practicality and the hands on part people play in which direction the spirit goes. i am inspired by this and am glad to know there are people who care this deeply for their brothers and sisters. i'm pretty sure i know what will happen to me when i die. 100919 ... unhinged my heart was amazingly open after that ceremony and i didn't even know nicholas. 100919 ... unhinged (when i left the center that night i went to a jazz club to hear a flamenco beat box guitarist play; his cover of high_and_dry by radiohead is just right. i sang along at the top of my lungs drunk on 60 min ipa by dogfishhead) 101005 ... unhinged for don for lindsey what a horrible hard winter. we cry at being left behind. the confusion you've left behind, especially for little eliza, breaks me heart. but i do sincerely hope that your suffering is ended. permanently. no more pain no more sorrow no more desire no more grasping may you rest in the vast liberation of groundlessness may you give us less realized your blessings and wisdom peace dear friends peace 130203 what's it to you? who go blather from