last_night_i_dreamed_of_quincy_jones johnny west I used to have these incredibly expansive dreams, full of all kinds of twists and turns. In fact, one dream was so expansive that I woke up from it, only to go back to sleep and have it pick up where it left off. Around the time I was entering high school, my dreams changed completely. They were no longer cinematic and long-winded. They became fragmented and demented. In one dream, I discovered that my hair had been cut while I was sleeping. I walked around a large house full of mirrors, screaming at my reflection in every one. In another, my dad was giving me a blowjob in the boys' locker room. Suffice it to say I had lost control over subject matter. After having my dreams taper off over the last few months, I had a long one last night. I blame it on blather. Here's what I can remember: I was at some sort of family get-together, and my grandfather was trying to get me to look for something in a "duck swamp" with a girl I had never met. I politely told him to fuck off, and in bounded fat ol' Aunt Ronita - whom grandpa had never met - to jump on top of me and crush my body beneath her ugly mass. There was some sort of struggle. I lost. Then the dream jumped. Grandpa had aged, and I was inside of somebody's house. People were swimming outside. Grandpa was struggling to say something, so I leaned in close to him to hear. I can't remember what he said. Then, a complete change of scene. I was at the house of some of my OTHER grandparents, along with some guys I had never met. We were waiting outside of the washroom for the emotionally abusive women to join us in the living room. When they did join us, good ol' Aunt Ronita was one of them. We (the guys) started splashing soap over the women, who gradually removed their clothes. The more soap we covered them with, the less emotionally abusive they became. Even Aunt Ronita was transformed into a better person. Once the process was complete, the women put their clothes back on and returned to their previous incarnations. Nothing had changed. Then, another jump. I found myself in a cement-finished room with some more unfamiliar guys and - you guessed it - Quincy Jones. Quincy had written a song about "washing the women", and we were recording it a capella. We started to sing and, before I knew it, we were harmonizing. I was held back vocally for most of the song, just adding bits of harmony, until I went completely ballistic near the end. I sang in the highest falsetto I could manage, screaming in a way I hadn't thought possible. The recording done, I walked with Quincy into his living room and asked if I could have a copy of the tape. Quincy told me I would only make copies and sell them to make money, while I insisted that I only wanted to hear myself sing. After some unsuccessful attempts to sway him, I found his record player and, somehow, a record began playing the song that had just been recorded. Just as the recording was about to reach my moment of vocal glory, I found myself swinging from a rope to another level of Quincy's home. When my feet hit the ground, I had reached an assembly line serving lunch to me and my fellow singers. All of the servers said the same thing as they passed us our food: "Junior burger" (which was the largest burger I had ever seen), "Junior fries" (also monstrous) and "No drinks". I was thirsty. I saw my dad at the assembly line, asking to be given medium-sized fries instead, and then I woke up. I don't think any aspects of the dream meant anything. Just wanted to get it down before I forgot it. As Denzel would say: "That's some fucked-up shit!" 010313 ... unhinged last night i had a dream...i know i did. it's dancing on the tip of my brain and i have no idea what it was about but i know i had one. 010313 ... florescent light I just had a nightmare. Involving mob rabbi's. But it scared me, and it usually takes a pretty bad dream to scare me. 010313 ... unhinged that christian sub-ed for the principal bassist of the new york philharmonic...i told him today and he laughed at me. hey...it could happen. 010409 ... blather grammar check dreamed...sorry. bad grammar there. it's dreamt. past tense of dream = dreamt. I know, I'm a bit late on correcting that one, but everyone has the right to a vacation, right? 010421 ... florescent light Last night I dreamt that the cops gave me a parking ticket. Then they went into my bedroom, and kept writing ticket after ticket because there was no sheet on my matress, and there were tissues and clothes on the floor. And I pleaded with him 'Sir, please, I am just a poor college student who can't afford food for my cat.' He didn't care. 010421 ... denzel I know who the blather grammar check is! I'm so slick. 010421 ... blather grammar check damn you, denzel. damn you and your clever ways. you best keep your mouth shut. if you blow my cover you will live to regret it. 010422 ... the grammar checker is dead wrong I'm sorry, but what I find fucking funny as fucking HELL is that you're wrong, you fucker. Check this--it's from a DICTIONARY, so don't fucking argue it: "dream"- verb. past dreamed, dreamt, past participle dreamed, dreamt, present participle dreaming, 3rd person present singular dreams 020203 ... the grammar checker is dead wrong So there you see, Miss Grammar fucking Check, that one has the option between "dreamed" and "dreamt"......so go fuck yourself. 020203 ... mcdougall hey now don't be so harsh, it's jus ta little mistake. i had a dream once where i was spider-man it was lots of fun. 030130 what's it to you? who go blather from