cheesy_ideas raze i always thought it would be amusing to get someone a space heater for a housewarming gift. 121231 ... PeeT high five 121231 ... raze a cologne / perfume for the sadomasochist in all of us: "hurtful & fresh". all it needs is a snappy slogan, or a jingle. 130531 ... raze file this one under cheesy and BAD ideas: with all the remaking and rebooting going on with hollywood movies these days, i figure it's only a matter of time before the mediocrity spills over into literature and new authors start rewriting classic novels, giving them "bold" new twists for an attention-span-free generation. what i'm really looking forward to is what's going to happen once they start pumping out unnecessary sequels. who wouldn't want to read "the catcher in the rye 2: rye hard", "greater expectations", or "the year after 1984"? 130830 ... e_o_i I did read "the year after 1984"! 1985, by Anthony Burgess. It's not as good as 1984 and it makes him look like a grumpy conservative, but it has some surreal humour to recommend it. I'd read Catcher in the Rye 2: Rye Hard if it existed... your title made me laugh... or, okay, at least I'd read the first page, like I did with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. 130830 ... raze i had to look up "pride and prejudice and zombies", and the cover art brought on a near-fatal laughing fit. i'm almost tempted to read it now... 130830 ... raze a re-imagining of "pinocchio" starring 50 cent, in which our hero longs to become a full dollar someday. 140205 ... e_o_i What about the rapper 50 Pound? Some call me modernist Some call me retro Just hope you don't meet me In a station of the metro. 140205 ... e_o_i Besides, both Personae and The Cantos sound like plausible album titles - cantos are songs, after all... and why not Guide to Kulchur while we're at it, although I think Cent is probably better at spelling than Pound. You know, more standard. 140205 ... e_o_i (Canadian band Metric would probably disapprove.) 140205 ... raze i think emily haines is a secret 50 pound fan. she'd never admit it, of course. but i suspect pound's sophomore effort "shillin' in my waistcoat, diamond in my jeans" is one of her desert island albums if push comes to falling. 140205 ... nr 50 Pound would probably refer to himself as 22.6796 Kilogram just for Metric's sake. i feel like he'd be a considerate dude. 140206 ... e_o_i Ah good point. Also, I think in my muddled mind last night I conflated dollars and the metric system. 140206 ... e_o_i Anyway, I'll have to limit my intake of cheesy ideas if I don't want to wake up at night convinced that I was dreaming about some profound philosophical problem and then realize it's only gas, and then have stomach cramps still the next day. When I'm lactose intolerant, it's not a huge deal. But when glucose and fructose are lactose intolerant, that's discrimination... 140206 ... raze inverted pickup lines. you've heard the old cliché: "did it hurt...when you fell from heaven?" well, how about this instead: "was it arduous…climbing up here from hell?" 140223 ... e_o_i For language theorists that might look like: "Hey, baby, what's your signifier?" Cunning linguists and such... (who made that joke first? Was it Nabokov or Joyce?) 140223 ... raze "volare" rewritten as a song about coffee bread. "biscotti oh oh so tasty oh oh oh oh" 140408 ... raze a thermostat / stereo combo that plays the chorus of glenn frey's "the heat is on" when the furnace kicks in. i'm amazed no one thought of this in the 80s, but it's not too late. it's never too late for glenn frey. 140509 ... raze a version of "walking on the moon" by the police sung by christopher walken, retitled "walken on the moon", complete with a music video in which our man walken dances on the moon while he sings. 140519 ... raze palimony: recompense for when a friendship doesn't work out. 140530 ... raze a pickup line to try on a typesetter: "i always fall for your type … setting." (very_punny, no?) 140810 ... raze a condom named necessity, if only for the amusing advertising. "necessity. your manhood needs it." 141113 ... e_o_i Gluten-free abstract nouns. 141113 ... e_o_i Gluten-free angst, gluten-free liberty, gluten-free retirement planning... 141113 ... raze someone needs to write a book (or a broadway musical) and call it "quit russian, putin". 151022 ... raze ted danson should pen a rewrite of the david_bowie song "john, i'm only dancing". that way, when john waters does the obvious thing and asks ted to be in one of his movies, ted can be all self-deprecating and sing, "john, i'm only danson." 211125 ... raze if i ever happen to have a sugar maple or a red oak tree on my property, i'm going to name it richard roundtree. 220426 ... raze how about a toilet made for two? we could call it the little deuce coop. (it'll come with a whole slew of useful accessories, too, like the little deuce scoop.) 220602 ... raze (little deuce *coupe*, even. i guess poop short-circuits the part of my brain that knows how to spell.) 220602 ... e_o_i So, emails without text, when I view them on my phone, have this notice - (no body). Imagine that as a mystery novel title? Brackets, lowercase and all! (no body) Gmail. Phones. MURDER. 221128 ... raze someone should design a sloppy joe that isn't sloppy at all and call it a tidy jim. 230828 ... raze how about a christian creamery called "cheeses christ"? 240115 what's it to you? who go blather from