i_was_going_to_tell_you_in_oxford gull i was going to tell you in oxford. we would have had champagne and french fries and we would have been a bit drunk. it would have been the late evening, maybe sometime between ten and eleven. you would have had a class the next day, and we really should have been thinking of retiring for the night, not about him. we would have talked about a boat and i would have had a map. we would have planned an expedition. and then i would have told you the big one: that i knew where to find his castle. and we would have been happy, not sad, not sad like we are now. because now’s the wrong time and i didn’t tell you properly. so you think i don’t trust you and you think i deceived you and i really can’t blame you. i’ve failed you as a friend because friendship is about trust and i’ve drained just about every last drop of trust from what we had, from what we loved and cherished. it’s gone, all gone, because of me. the fun, the nonsense, the dreams... i ruined it all and i hate myself for it. 020324 what's it to you? who go blather from