W.C. I've just had a terribly frightening experience. I've been ruminating on the struggles of the work schedule and how it prevents me from accomplishing things I would like to do regarding finances or vacuuming various rooms--I began to realize that I have entire days off in which I could accomplish these things. Yet on the occasions that I have days off from work I find that I play on the internet the whole time. It's been a long term addiction for me, and I've often wondered why I perpetuate it so. Then comes the realization that I use it as a means to escape the frustrations of life, and substitute accomplishments there for accomplishments in real life in order to feel fulfilled.
I pretend to accomplish things in order to simulate the sensation of accomplishing things, which I only don't do because I'm pretending to accomplish things when I could be actually accomplishing things.
After realizing all of this, for the first time in my life I wished I could get high.
blue_j The thought of actually doing it is scary...but sometimes I do think that I would feel a lot better if I could just exist in another world for a little while. 070402
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