hope's_last_lie continuous ache in my mind's eye i am always walking away see every love that ended with misery every pinprick that time should've long since erased no one is replaced or forgotten in my vast recollection it's all filed away under "hope's last lie" as in- the last time that hope is allowed to slip by unnoticed (and undenied) i've got a pocketful of useless lessons decaying to dust and blowing away on the wind just like i wish i could like i know i must gotta get the hell out of here without that damning look behind but i've got memories on rewind and i know absolutely that i'm running on borrowed time and i will be back again to relive this tragedy once more, to rebegin this play knowing well the end, but expecting a difference anyway the definition of insanity, alive beneath a haggard smile its taken me awhile to think i was this strong and so long to not show any of these scars i am tired of wishing on burned out stars and lasting love when will it be enough to just lay my head down and never find the stubbornness to get back up another ache has been filed in that otherwise barren hall you took your steel strung hands to me so why am i still waiting for your call? 020228 ... continuous ache strike that last line - "so why am i still waiting for your call" input- "and i haven't stopped falling." edit on blather is a pain in the ass. ;) 020228 ... wicker man "no, really, i'll be OK" THAT is hope's last lie. we've said it before because we wanted to believe it and because we didn't want anyone to know we were hurting worse than we were showing outwardly 020228 ... psychobabe take me...with you take me...with you take me...with you (without you..without you everythings falls apart, without you, it not as much fun to pick on the pieces) take me...with you take me...with you take me...with you 020228 ... continuous ache that's a big part of it wicker man. sorry, i thought i was the only sucker for hope. maybe we should start a rehab program. 'get yourself off hope and on dope' 020302 ... alice and then blather 020415 ... unhinged yes i've already started that rehab when i could off hope and on dope worked for me...until my hook up ran dry and i had to give her back the pipe before i went nuts. 020415 ... spoons "well, atleast it cant get any worse" riiight... 020415 ... blown cherry "I don't love you. I would if I could, but I can't" 020416 ... chanaka "everything will be alright" 020416 ... Beyond Repair a cycle is a circle of time the snake devouring its own tail infinity eternity i gave up the controls to this life a long time ago i am merely sitting behind the wheel letting the car go where it may keeping a heavy foot on the gas praying for a quick death. no, control is merely an illusion. no man or woman may have it completely. i do not wish for it anymore, it is not a concept i even comprehend... life will get better life will get worse these things happen oh, dear and have i let friendships die? i have. with no regret, and you begin to hate lose faith turn your face from this dying ember but you remember me still. forget my breath i am nothing nothing to mourn or miss this is my life this is your pain i will not let you watch me fail i am shamed enough, hiding from the world let me destroy my life alone let me be watch it all fall down while i stand in silent wonder breath caught in my breast heart beating as if it might escape its cage i know where i am headed eyes open wide, maybe even a little light inside this is my life. 020417 ... onemorebumpintheroad i'm looking back on a past that i can't walk away from god knows how i've tried and i've been waiting so long to say something meaningful but all that escapes my lips are sighs i'm so tired of lies and petty crimes against my spirit but nobody hears my cries anymore i'm just praying for something more this time a little light where only darkness could survive should i run away from this one or take the inevitable heartache in stride i want so much to have love living in my soul again i can't remember when i last felt it's breath inside of me is this what i seek or am i being naive how many stars have to burn out in my little universe before i finally get the course right i feel so much like i'm navigating blind and i can't see your face to guide me i wish i could know that when you're on the outside you'll feel the same because you're the first to make me alive in awhile i really do want to believe your smile but my judgement is clouded by pain it would be such a relief to just hold you again to look into your eyes without that barrier between us and spin our own universe from the remains of mine 050418 what's it to you? who go blather from