nuts_are_us raze when i started what would become nuts_to_you a year ago, i never imagined it would evolve into this. i thought things were busy when i had five regular customers. now i've got fourteen who are here every day or close to it, along with a host of important supporting players. i've served almost fifty different squirrels in all, along with birds, insects, and the odd possum and rat. i didn't know so many things that flew or climbed or crawled lived around here. i've lost a few. night_wing, mysterion, and octavio are gone. i keep hoping i'll see them again someday. the more time that passes without them, the less likely it seems. i miss them all. even the small souls that only passed through a time or two before deciding my establishment wasn't for them. declan popped back up a week ago after a long absence, but he's been scarce ever since. he might be the only squirrel to ever live who would rebury someone else's food out of respect after digging it up and remembering it wasn't his. i once watched him groom rust and use his body as a barrier between her and anything that might try to harm her on a day when she was struggling with illness or unease. hearts like that don't come around often in bodies of any size. i'm told we serve the finest walnut souffle in all of ontario. our hazelnut happenstance, almond unrest, and peanut preponderance are also popular dishes. a few of our valued patrons are passionate about their fruit. that's on the menu too. i've misgendered more than a few of my friends. it took me nine months to figure out sammy was a girl, and even longer to realize choc and rust were ladies too. i erred in the other direction with simone. jaws and rust have both mellowed out a lot. they're unrecognizable from the shit-disturbers they were when they first came on the scene. i don't even have to tape down the water_dish now. and skint hardly ever grumble-chases anyone anymore. sammy's transformation has been the most profound of them all. she's grown from a curious but hesitant explorer into a bold alpha squirrel who dives into danger with her eyes wide open. she doesn't just touch me when i feed her by hand. she throws herself at me, trusting me with the full weight of her silver frame. i didn't see her today. but she's here most days. i can't imagine my life without these allies in it. the thought of them someday not being here almost causes me physical pain. the bonds we've built are beyond anything i've ever felt with any animal. they give me a reason to get up in the morning. i've had my fingers in their mouths. i've seen them yawn and heard them hiccup. they've used my chest as a platform to get from one place to another. some of them seem to understand every word i say. i used to tell night_wing i loved her when she was on her way out. she would always stop for a moment and turn to look at me. like she was saying it back. i've been worried about shooter. he showed up on monday nursing a hand injury. he outranks everyone. i've watched him fling would-be usurpers under the fence with a flick of his tail and dodge furry bodies without moving an inch. and yet he's so gentle. he never uses force to get his point across. he rises to let me feed him, as if the exchange is something holy. i'm awestruck that someone so loving could build such a fearsome reputation. he was a lot better today. he was putting weight on that hand and climbing again. i should have known he'd be okay. thunderbolt's been through it all before. he's the second-in-command, and as ornery as ever. he'll never let me feed him by hand. he always keeps a bit of distance between us. but he's steadfast. if charles bronson were born a squirrel, he would have been thunderbolt. last year, on the coldest christmas eve we'd had in almost fifty years, he was the first one here. he showed no interest in eating. it was clear he'd come to confirm that i'd made it through the winter storm. charlene's sweetness knows no bounds. she spent fifteen minutes with me today in humidity that wrung sweat from the dishrag of my lower back. this will tell you all you need to know about who she is: in the cooler weather, when she was about to take off to bury a hazelnut before i'd had a chance to hang out with her, she saw my face fall. she grabbed my finger with her hand and squeezed it twice to say, "don't worry. i'll be right back." and she was. twice i've been all but sure choc was dead. i was wrong both times. tonight she ran phoenix all over the place before sinking into a well-earned sploot. i think i saw her foraging three or four blocks from my house this afternoon. i had no idea she covered so much ground to get here. there's new blood too. gabe and big red are twin siblings. tamara and goldie are their best friends. they compare notes. they look out for one another. i've never seen such a close-knit group. it gives me comfort to think that they might be the children of some of the comrades i've loved and lost. little big girl was the last one to be fed today. for months she was missing patches of fur all over her body. when her immune system managed to fight off the fungal infection that thinned her coat, everything she'd lost came back a different colour, making her body a two-tone eddy of abstract art. she's a painting the world made. like all the rest of them. 230725 what's it to you? who go blather from