pontificating phil the swirl of color from a bowl of oranges half frozen by the fridge the cat comes to life activated by shots of insulin backstabbed by all my friends careful not to smother; not to trust the ones I have left important to lose the best ones because they hate me so dark clouds of secrets come in given up on the sunshine hissing like cardboard in the roof of my hat hiding the emptiness beneath it looking up my head looks flat looking down it looks fat the jaw muscles twitch well above my eyes I am afraid of what I'm becoming something; anything always fearful; jealous someone finding ways of inflicting pain right in front of my face 050117 what's it to you? who go blather from