phil the swirl of color from a bowl of oranges half frozen by the fridge
the cat comes to life
activated by shots of insulin
backstabbed by all my friends
careful not to smother; not to trust
the ones I have left
important to lose the best ones
because they hate me so
dark clouds of secrets come in
given up on the sunshine
hissing like cardboard
in the roof of my hat
hiding the emptiness beneath it
looking up
my head looks flat
looking down it looks fat
the jaw muscles twitch well above my eyes
I am afraid of what I'm becoming
something; anything
always fearful; jealous
someone finding ways of inflicting pain
right in front of my face
what's it to you?
who go