don't_lose_sleep_over_that epitome of incomprehensibility ...people say, but do they know how hard it is to avoid if something is worrying you? Take Thursday. I was rattled by boss B. calling me on a day I wasn't working and blaming me for a student yelling at him: "If you hadn't made a mistake, none of this would have happened." "I'm sorry that happened, but please don't take it out on me...It was when I'd just come back from the summer. I didn't think of sending the tentative booking...I'm sorry about that, but please." "We'll talk about this tomorrow." Anger simmered. "No, I know, from now on I have to send the tentative booking email first. I'd rather not go over this tomorrow..." But he got annoyed and hung up on me. Pah. I'd had to apologize after I got mad and walked away while he was still talking (see this_is_Canada). Why didn't he apologize? Why should he get away with similar rudeness, just because he happened to be higher up in some manufactured hierarchy?? Not fair, not fair, not fair. And I dreaded having him lecture about it at work the next day. I thought again of quitting. That would give me more time, too. I woke up that night and stayed awake for about an hour. It's normal for me to wake up once or twice in a night, but if I stay awake for longer than a few minutes, I'm probably worried about something. How can you just decide to not lose sleep over something? How can you effect or even affect that outcome?? But maybe I've been taking the phrase way too literally. It's more like "don't worry." ...But how does one simply not worry??? Friday morning. Work was calm; he didn't make a big deal about that mistake. (Besides, I showed him the email where I'd written down information that he'd tried to find the day before and couldn't, which had added to his agitation.) Never apologized either, but I didn't expect it. Ah well. 230916 ... e_o_i Hm. Well, work was calm until we discovered the class booking system on the website wasn't working. Apparently, the new deployment had rendered it FUBAR, so B. had an urgent meeting with the IT team to undo the update and fix whatever was wrong with it before deploying again. But I was sitting in a comfortable bubble of Not My Problem, except that I had to write bug reports. So I didn't lose sleep over that. 230916 ... e_o_i Bug_reports, now literal! But what's bugging me about B.: he owes me money again and is making excuses. Same pattern as summer, only now with more money. Do I ask nicely? Again and again? He hasn't answered my last email, and when I asked in-person Friday before last he said, "Oh, I need to check the hours first." Vague. "Things have been so busy." Dude, I've been busy too, but have I been unfairly holding onto what isn't mine? Not funds-wise, anyway. Time? I've been slow AND impatient, generous_but_stingy...and too bee-ishly sting-y when Dad told me to hurry and get out of the bathroom last night. Note: when someone tells you to hurry up, you don't have to launch into a passive-aggressive "Well, you initiated a conversation, you must want to talk, so can I tell you all about how I *want* to meet your desired timeframe but I never seem to? How can I at home, if I never can at work? How can I, if I write so slowly in German that I go past my 33% 'extra time' accommodation?? Do I get 33% extra time in real life??? No! You're not paying attention to me! I will go to bed once you TELL ME HOW TO HURRY!" (Me, standing in the living room, half-joking but anxious, both parents yawning. Dad took it as an existential question he couldn't answer. Mom said, "Set an alarm." They were both sensible in their own ways while I was completely and utterly ridiculous.) All right, self, don't whine at your own whining; whine consistently at others' slowness and they may finally pay you what they owe. Don't lose sleep over it. ...Pah, I shouldn't. I still have seventeen million papers to grade. By seventeen million I mean seventeen, but still. 231019 what's it to you? who go blather from