orchestra_jokes devalis It's time to get them all in one place. ON QUARTETS: A string quartet is composed of a violinist, a bad violinist, a former violinist and someone who hates violinists. A quartet made up of a two violinists, a violist and a bassist is playing at a wedding when one of the wedding guests drops a $100 bill. None of the other guests notices. Who in the quartet gets the $100 bill? The second violinist. Why? The first violinist doesn't get it because a first violinist isn't going anywhere for $100. The bassist doesn't get it because he's too stupid to realize that $100 has been dropped. And the violist doesn't get it because he was too busy trying to figure out how the fuck to play out of first position. *** ON VIOLISTS: What's the difference between a violist and a seamstress? A seamstress tucks up frills. What's the difference between a violist and a prostitute? A prostitute knows more than one position. What's the difference between a viola and a violin? A viola burns longer. *** ON CELLISTS: What's the difference between a cello and a casket? With a casket, the dead body is on the inside. That's all I got, give me more! 020921 ... devalis what's the difference between first viola and 4th viola? 5 measures. 020921 ... Aimee how do you make a cello sound good? sell it and buy a violin. how do you make a bass sound good? chop it up and using it for firewood. 020922 what's it to you? who go blather from