fleshburst leni i saw stars, she is my sun/centre shining through the twinking nitrous drawing i to her to me toward her, i rode the waves brilliant then triumphant returned: a warrior the little she under my arm 060704 ... leni her brilliant orbs mapped every detail of my face - she did not cry - as though to know exactly who it was, in whose hands her life would lie as she memorised me all i could do was love 060704 ... leni words came then went: from the night then drawn out and dwindling in the days ahead night often gifts me with words then days forget them. tired, so tired, some moments, giving, giving, and giving more wondering in a daze of days without tomorrow or yesterday every day is today, and will be for some time my world is suspended, do things happen, still, outside? inside my circus tent there are only stripes, and the old goat and kittens chewing the canvas though, now and then, i draw open the door, step into the sunshine, smell the outside world shining yellow and blue... and i feel myself returning the old her, growing into me again, relief is this, though still so soft am i and i must say, must i? because if i don't, i am bad, because if i don't, i am a liar, must say: it is all it is cut out to be, and more, unlike anything i could imagine, this new everything that i am in. entirely new, entirely wonderful, and very hard. this is my life. i am living it. 060710 ... leni the romance the glitter the glamour still twinkles in the air drifting and falling will it stick to what moves in her space? will it fall to the floor leaving only dust in and out of the shadows? or only plain plain life too much grey too many hard angles 060713 ... leni but now her blue orbs track me six weeks until brown always the count down 060713 ... leni you i love still with my womb, still reaches out to wrap you in, a deeper love than any other, my shoulders ache with it. 060713 ... leni no one has ever loved like this stupid - yet i believe it yet i don't so many people fear this i know why 060713 ... leni flesh basin and reaching muscle curving to you across space i wake and whisper for you, where are you? close but never close enough 060713 ... leni tenderness trace the arc of eyebrow down to nose a curve so perfect it milks my heart and eyelashes like the toes of daddy-long-legs clinging in a web of dried water just so perfect 060715 ... leni nature's architect builds for resonance the shape she sees resounds beating her senseless * once she was beaten so much she thought she would ever hurt again but that was only numbness there is always more 060715 ... leni lying on my lap, she snores i would sneak away to the shower but her neck pins my wrist to my thigh i am her bed her pillow her breakfast lucky me 060724 ... superleni suck suck suck she whimpers and groans suck suck suck she pauses she wiggles ''' when she is hungry and i am not fast enough her lips form an angry chaos-filled square when she knows she is close she thrashes her head like a shark jaws open then ung! on! ... this is serious business breathing is sidelined drinking life essence of all she needs - but air ... snuggled against the piilows of sustenance and comfort and warmth fine dining a five star feast and feeding frenzy ... afterwards: drunken, turgid, full ... BURP 060807 ... leni are fears to be faced or fled? fleeting or feeding nourished or fed by speaking 060810 ... leni your yell tears reality your cry pierces the universe brings the stars to cry burning comets and rings the planets with pain energy leaks from the sun pouring toward you, to please you the vaccuum of space is colder, emptier when you cry 060810 ... leni she fears: a once white dust soiled dolly; she fears: pale-jeaned stick-thin long-legged men running right-angles she fears: to know the things they do. like hitting with a hammer one of infinite unique and precious glasses. to know so many have been chipped or cracked bruised or scratched even shattered even broken -the lips who kissed them, cut- and to know this is not uncommon, this is not rare, that love lies ripped or bleeding. she sees her teeth in psyche's mirror moon-pool, evenly zigzagged, a sharp fence and cage; acute angles, thin hard razors, dissembowelling danger, slicing threat's skin and extracting the innards of menace with cat's precision and predator's pleasure. then, to ward off evil; to warn: hanging socks (with gut garters) and sausages (fat with dead and rotting malintent), over the hearth and phone lines (emanates a scent- hope and promise- rose, sage and freshwater- the dying of evil smells sweet) straight line symbols messages and magic. that they might be safe forever. a short forever? Forever forever. if there is not hope, there is nothing 060811 ... leni not the end, anymore not the furthest visible finger of the fractal, the future has turned a corner and found the following segment. no longer dangling & disconnected, not the pendant at the end ofthechain just a nestled link in continuity so embedded the depth feels warm 060819 ... is che 081009 what's it to you? who go blather from