i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_22
c r 0 w l gavin walked down the steps and turned north.
when he came to the first street corner at santa clara a pick-up truck pulled up along side of him.

"dennis browne told me to tell you to get in," the driver said. he was a college sophomore seeking extra money as a garden laborer and ski instructor.

"that's ok," gavin called out. "i'm good."

"no, seriously, dude. you're blowing it. get in."

gavin thought a moment. if i am a stick in the stream, then i must avoid becoming stuck. i must ride this water to the river that will ultimately take me to the sea.

"fuck it," gavin said, and crossed the street where the truck was now parked. he opened the door.

"what's up, my brother?" the driver said, friendly. he extended a hand to shake.

gavin shook it. "what's up, man?"

they drove in silence, listening to in_rainbows.

finally, gavin spoke first. "what's your name?"

"jack," the driver said, staring gavin in the eyes. gavin saw respect, honor, and imagination, just as he hoped jack beheld him.

"hey jack," gavin said.

"hey," jack said.

"like hey jack kerouac," gavin added.

"ten thousand maniacs."

"right on. natalie merchant."

"burn, burn, burn." 		080223
...
unhinged lilly stood at the back door watching trane go crazy like he always would after being cooped up for too long.

'poor pup. we can't leave you like that.' and then lilly thought of ruth and her concept of 'we' crumbled. was it crazy for her to expect to be the only one in gavin's world? maybe that just wasn't what people did anymore; had a one and only. or maybe people always had been unmonogamous.

trane sensed lilly's deep and disturbed thoughts and brought a ball over to her. when she didn't notice him, he nudged her hand with the ball. 'oh. hey trane. yeah, good idea.' she began tossing the ball as far as she could make it go. after awhile trane kept beating the ball to the spot where lilly would throw it, but he always faithfully retrieved it.

eventually, they both got tired and went inside. that was when lilly noticed gavin wasn't around. she looked outside and saw his car still in the driveway.

'gavin?' nothing.

lilly went upstairs. 'gavin?'

she went back downstairs and out the front door. 'gavin?!'

she poked her hand into the mailbox and pulled out his letter. 'no....no no,' she quietly murmured to herself. look what i did. he left me. i should have just said yes. i should have acted like i didn't see it. 'no. he's gone.' she sat defeated on the stoop.

lilly got out her phone. 'hey. i...he's'

'lilly what's wrong?'

'gavin left boo. he's gone.' 		080227
...
crOwl meanwhile, gavin clammed up and kept his thoughts inside the corked bottle his soul had become. "let me out, dude," gavin said, when they reached the sea. the pick-up truck rolled to a stop. the cd ended after, 'videotape.'

"you're making a mistake," the boy said, pulling over. "i'm not abducting you or some shit, but no one says to dennis browne. he be one motherfucker..."

"well, it's more like i'm saying yes to lilly."

"lilly? who's that? your girl?"

"actually, my wife, but she just won't have me yet."

"dennis will set you up. dude's got large."

"i'm sure, but i want us to set ourselves up...from the bottom. she 's a great painter, already selling her work. actually that's what i've got to do is raise up some living expenses..." gavin opened the door and slid out to the sandy sidewalk. the morning sun was hot on his shoulder already. "thanks, my brother." he put his fist through the window and got met halfway. "you're the man." 		080227
...
unhinged 'lilly, it's okay. what happened? what do you mean he's gone?'

lilly started to sniffle. 'i mean he left a note saying he's going to go away for awhile and leave me all his stuff and come back when....' and then she started to hyperventilate.

'lil...lil what happened before that. people don't leave for no reason. lil, just breathe.'

'last night at a party i saw him with another girl and then he asked me to marry him.'

'what?! that asshole. i'm gonna fly out there. i'm gonna book a flight right now. wait....did he know you saw him with the girl?'

'no. which is why i couldn't say yes. then this morning on the way home, he wouldn't say anything. i kept asking him why and he wouldn't say anything. when we got home, i went to take the dog out and then he was just gone.'

'well....'

'well what?'

'you probably don't want to hear what i have to say right now lil. i know how you get all upset and grudgy, but maybe he asked you to marry him because he wants to be with you. for real. maybe he's just a typical asshole guy that has a hard time using his brain. guys have hormones too.'

'so it makes it okay that he wants another girl? that he was with another girl? his hormones?!'

'did he sleep with her?'

'no.'

'did he kiss her?'

'i think so. he won't really say, which makes me think so.'

'do you want him to leave?'

'no. not at all. i need him. i was just starting to do better. to feel better. to be better.'

'call him then duh. ask him to come home.'

and lilly looked up and gavin was standing in front of her. 		080228
...
unhinged lilly's mouth fell open. 'i have to go.'

'why? what's...' the phone snapped shut.


lilly and gavin stared at each other, silent. she reached up and hugged him ferociously. 'don't leave me. please. don't go.' she would not let go of him even when his arms relaxed to his side.

'i don't know what to say lilly. nothing seems good enough.'

'i just want to know why. why i saw you with her, why you asked me to marry you.'

'well, you saw me with her because she followed me and threw herself at me. i ditched her lil. i stood up and dropped her to the ground. she tried to talk me into it, telling me her boyfriend was cool with it. and then i heard you singing. and it might sound corny, but i knew i wanted to be with you.'

lilly was staring at her feet, kicking a stray pebble with her toe. she looked up at him, biting her lip.

'i think you were right when you said we don't really know each other at the party. but i do know that me and trane are so much happier now than we were before you. everyday is better than the one before it. maybe i shouldn't have asked you to marry me last night, but i didn't mean it any less or anything.'

'gavin, i can't say yes right now. exactly because we don't really know each other. i just can't help feeling that you asked me yesterday because you felt guilty. i don't want a guilty marriage proposal. but i don't want you to leave either.'

'but you aren't saying no?' a big smile erupted on gavin's face.

lilly couldn't help but smile too. 'yeah, i'm not saying no. that's my official response.' 		080229
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