heated_argument epitome of incomprehensibility Explain the joke: it was mostly a languid and whiny argument, but I think the heat exacerbated it. Yesterday was the feast day of St. John the Baptist, the founder of Quebec. My parents declined to go to Millennium_Park for any of the richly spread tables laden with venison and pheasant, so we supped at home under the oppressive heat_dome, built to deflect Iranian attacks such as boss B. calling my winter coat ugly. Silliness aside...but the whole argument was silly. I'll state it as plainly as I can, anyway. I asked about inviting some friends for a potluck in the backyard next weekend (if a reasonable expectation of nice weather presented itself). Excuse? Birthday. Reasons? Interacting with humans I liked, eating food, showing off backyard garden, having something to plan for. I had asked about this before, but both parents seemed cool to the idea. Now, in the heat, I tried again. Both of them still said no, because they didn't think the place was nice (read: expensive) or well-kept enough. "I have two weeks off work next month," Dad mentioned. "I could devote that time to working on the house." "No, no, I mean I would take responsibility for cleaning and setting up. You wouldn't have to do anything. That's the idea, that you wouldn't have to do anything." I started out sounding reasonable. But that didn't last. I *did* realize I was grumpy because of the heat. I went, "Ugh, sorry that I'm grumpy." But I wasn't quite self-conscious enough to refrain from starting an argument. "This is irrational," I whined when they still said they'd get too anxious about things not being up to whatever standard was in their heads. I turned on Dad, accusingly, "You said *Mom* would feel self-conscious, but that's just hypocrisy. You were making excuses for YOURSELF being self-conscious." (Note: I know "hypocrisy" made no sense in that context. My excuse is the weather.) Ugh, but it *is* aggravating. Just when I'm beginning to resolve not to be embarrassed by silly things and just OWN stuff, they reveal that they're embarrassed those same silly things. Like us being "poor"? Please. Is this poverty, having plenty to eat and spending extra on books and clothes? Having relatively many choices for work, education and leisure? Hmm...? Now, I suppose it's normal for them to have the same weaknesses as me, but in a childish sense, it feels like a betrayal somehow. Like they're supposed to be above this. ... The part that I'm ashamed of but also makes for funny dialogue? It started when I hit my forehead four times in aggravation. Mom said, her voice a sneer of sarcasm, "Smart." Me, fully committed to my Bratty Teenager cosplay (and not the cool newish "brat"): "Maybe I'll knock out some brain cells so I'll go down to your level." She gave a little laugh before saying something like, "EXCUSE me?" The laugh somewhat broke the tension. It revealed that I'd been joking. I hadn't quite known I was joking. I mumbled, "Sorry, that was childish." "Childish!? It was so...so rude and mean." But she was laughing in spite of herself. "Yes, I'm sorry." But I was still whining at Dad in the kitchen about him thinking we were "poor." Eventually we both took the dog out for a walk in the relative coolness of 28 C air. Relative. Relatively poor. I get that but I don't. ...If we were really rich, we'd have central AC, though...right? 250625 ... ovenbird This reminds me of my children, who are often embarassed to have friends come over because we live in a co-op and it isn't fancy and their friends live in large houses, with backyards, and play-rooms and way more fancy toys. No matter how often I remind them that we have enough and that's all that matters, they can't help comparing themselves to others. It's so hard to snap the spine of that kind of shame. Once it locks its jaws, it doesn't like to let go. I hope you will be able to have your party at some point! Celebration should require only a gathering of people who care about each other (and maybe a few snacks). I wish we could all invite people into our homes and our lives without worrying at all about the mess or the relative state of the buildings and furnishings that are simply there to keep us out of the elements and give our tired bodies a place to collapse safely. 250625 ... e_o_i Ahh, I didn't see this before, and thanks! Yes, I agree (warmly). I think you're spreading good ideas around, which are nurturing for your kids and others. But speaking of kids, I'm embarrassed about my part in that argument; it sounded like a teenager from a cheesy movie going, "But Mo-om, only a small party, I SWEAR, no alcohol, no making out...ew, I don't even *LIKE* boys in my class, they're GROSS." Which is making me laugh now, but yeah. 250702 what's it to you? who go blather from