today_is_a_special_day sugar_sand_is_green Today is a special day. Today I realized that I want to start living my life. School has tried to teach me that everyone has to go to college to succeed and that grades really matter. I have competed with my class mates to be noticed. My teachers expect little from me and tell me its ok if I don't do it right because I am learning and I'm supposed to make mistakes. I know that mistakes happen but I will never tell myself its ok. It will never be good enough and I will only try to make it better. As an artist limitations don't exist. What I want to do I will do and not take no for an answer. School tells me that I only have to reach so high until I've reached high enough for what is expected of me. A lot of students listen to that and only do the minimum. They party every night and then a week before deadline they get out equipment and then pretend to be "filmmakers". Its sad really. I sit back and watch them fiddle with a light or camera like its some ancient artifact or foreign substance. This is why we are here right? Why is it not surprising that everyone is so clueless. Why do I laugh to myself when their footage comes back and it looks like another docudrama or slapstick comedy mix breed trying to be a real film but only looking like a home video with some friends. Haven't they learned a thing or is it only a game to them. Film school is fun we make movies, why take it seriously they say. I say I came to learn and learning im going to do and already doing and it is fun but its not just a silly little game. I have learned what I know from creative and talented beautiful people who never needed school to begin with. I don't regret going to school because what I have learned and who I know I am so thankful for. I have just come to the point that I am sick of being stuck in a little box with so many limitations. I am ready to jump in. I feel myself holding back and telling myself that I have two more years there is no hurry but NO today I can be doing something, there is no waiting. I will not wait any longer I am ready, ready to breath fresh air ready to live. What I will do and where I will go I do not know or care. Is that naive or dumb? I don't think so, I think going to college and living the "American Dream" is the most naive and sad way to live what has potential to be a beautiful and amazing life. 071205 ... unhinged art school is mostly a crock. you learn skills you need yes, but getting graded for making art, colleagues who get involved cause they think it's the easiest option, taking yourself too seriously, getting so frustrated you want to quit....school is just a bunch of hoops to jump through. if i would have stayed in school for one more semester, i probably would have quit forever. and most kids that get fine arts degrees never really use them. they go to law school or journalism school because the prospect of actually having to WORK and struggle to make a living doesn't appeal to them. most kids in art school really aren't artists. they are looking for some quick american gimmick to get them all the things they think they need. ...... 071205 ... sugar_sand_is_green Yeah I feel like if I stay I am only lying to myself and buying into this made up fantasy world that promises people a great future but only scams them for their money. My family is amazing and I don't want them to continue to help pay for school. I want to start actually living my life and do what I love to do not pay people to tell me what I already know. Its hard because its what I am used to but when I really stop and think about it, nothing will really change except that I will start getting payed to do the same things I am now and I will learn twice as much. 071205 ... unhinged some opportunities do arise from having a degree BUT you gotta be willing to go out there and fail and fail and fail again making a living at being an artist is not for the faint of heart (i lost five students this month i am going to be poor, hungry) 071206 ... s I think education is great. There are so many colleges that truly offer a great education. Its when the school has nothing to offer their students. This school has some great majors. graphic design, computer art but the film department just lacks so much and the teachers are wonderful but they don't have much to offer, they are all working in the industry still and answer questions based on their experiences or their opinion on a subject. there is no real set way to do anything in film. What I realized was that going out there and working is going to be hard but every time I get a job I am going to learn something new and get paid. Its school without having to pay thousands of dollars in loans. A degree is important and its the only thing that makes me hesitate to leave but I'm not sure how far a degree in fine arts wil really take me especially if I want to stay in the industry. 071207 ... sugar_sand_is_green I think education is great. There are so many colleges that truly offer a great education. Its when the school has nothing to offer their students. This school has some great majors. graphic design, computer art but the film department just lacks so much and the teachers are wonderful but they don't have much to offer, they are all working in the industry still and answer questions based on their experiences or their opinion on a subject. there is no real set way to do anything in film. What I realized was that going out there and working is going to be hard but every time I get a job I am going to learn something new and get paid. Its school without having to pay thousands of dollars in loans. A degree is important and its the only thing that makes me hesitate to leave but I'm not sure how far a degree in fine arts wil really take me especially if I want to stay in the industry. 071207 ... unhinged yeah in the end you have to be determined no matter the piece of paper you have no matter how many times you fail no matter who tells you you suck that you will stick with it that it is how you will make your mark on the world the day i decided to drop out of school was indeed a special day and now i'm doing what they told me i couldn't anyway 071207 ... unhinged i realized last night that i am the only person that makes me unhappy my perception what i see how i see it is the only thing that truely makes me sad how my ego is tricked into believing that what i want is actually what i need that there is only one thing that would make me happy complete putting that thought into practice suddenly i'm not as cranky upset unhappy as i was yesterday 080205 what's it to you? who go blather from