premature gja 30 weeks lungs not working struggling 080731 ... unhinged i was five weeks early. i too had respiratory distress syndrome and had to spend 12 days in an incubator so my lungs could get fully cooked and workable. i was impatient and claustrophobic even as a fetus. my father took me to the neonatal intensive care unit when my brother was born and showed me all the incubators 'this is what you looked like when you were born.' 'but dad, those babies are really sick.' we're fighters us premmies. 080731 ... cr0wl i was a month early, 5 lbs @ birth... then had surgery for a hernia @ 6 months. yeah...we fight. still do. 080731 ... unhinged i was 4lbs 11oz by the time my parents took me home. never had much of a lung capacity. sure smoking doesn't help. but i was thinking that too, how even now i'm still a fighter. 080731 ... gja 5 days outside the womb now. Lungs beginning to work on their own. Today you became you - for us. Tobias Henry. Each new one brings their own fortune. 080802 ... ? who's Tobias Henry? 080803 ... gja My third son 080805 ... unhinged he just couldn't wait to get to you .... i've always wondered if my fear of water/drowning had to do with lack of air in my first days 080805 ... DammitJanet If he was, he'd still be here 080806 ... gja And now, after 17 days, you breathe in your own. 080814 ... jane izzard No, ejaculation - mature, MATURE ejaculation. Not premature, POST-mature, veteran ejaculation! Wise, learn-ed man ejaculation! 080814 ... unhinged i bet he's such a tiny little peanut he can fit in one hand. the tiniest diapers still look too big. the miniature perfection of him absolutely amazing. i remember sitting with my father looking at photo albums. sometimes we would pull out the really old ones; the ones of my mom and dad with my sisters when they first met. the picture of my sister jennifer on her tricycle with a black eye glowering. allison with her bowl cut mostly smiling. and then the ones of me in the hospital in my incubator, needles and tubes everywhere, me red in the face, screaming. and my dad would put his hands together and cup them and say 'you fit in my hands just like this you were so small' and 'you hated the needles, but you would stop crying as soon as i disconnected them all and held you' my dad was going to emt school at the time, so he knew how to do more than most parents. he would shuttle breast milk from the hospital my mom was in because she had to stay in the hospital because she got an infection from her c-section. he would come to feed me everyday. and rock me to sleep singing harry chapin songs. the nurses loved my dad. they wheeled up all the other babies and he would put the whole ward to sleep and i bet he sang 'all my life's a circle, sunrise and sundown...' the nurses gave him plates of sandwiches for doing their job for them. my dad has never been mushy, but he would get mushy when he told me that story. the story of my middle name; faith. my dad doesn't say it because he has always encouraged us to be happy, whatever that meant whatever we had to do, but he gets lonely with me and my brother living so far away. his fulltime kids. the ones he took to youth orchestra and lacrosse practice. he called me yesterday to say hi. he would say it was just because he was tired, but he sounded blue to me. i would have nightmares when i was young and wake up screaming til my dad would come and sing me harry chapin. 'all my life's a circle....' 080814 ... c r 0 w l awesome dad... 080814 ... unhinged yeah, he is. he's definitely more mellow as a grandpa. the whole story about my dad is another blathe for another day/page, but very recently i've come to fully appreciate my father. i've been pretty damn lucky with my life. i'm glad little tobias fought it through. he'll always fight it through mom. before you know it, he'll be walking and talking and fighting with his sibs and going to school and all that growing up kids do. 080814 ... gja Two years and three months on. You are no longer defined by your early start and terrifying troubles. Who am I kidding - defined - you wear it like a suit of armour, a badge of honour. Good luck to you to for it too. Any toe hold on the cliff face huh mate? Those brothers of yours? You’ve knocked them into (out of) shape. They are starting to wonder who is boss. Have you noticed them changing? I have. Not exactly wary, but always watching, one eye open as they say; cards close to the chest. O knows you are smart and quick – but you'll have to be good to beat him at that game – he owns it. No. I think my approach would be a little different. Check S out. Watch how he does it. He gave up competing head on before he even started, before he knew not what to do. He is instinctual – you could learn something there little T. The next few days will be interesting. You without those dreadlocked curls for the first time. They endeared you and you know it. They opened doors; were unrolled red carpet; provided treats from strangers. Now you are on your own. Revel in it; grow. Delight in the nude. You are your own you; the truth – it will set your free. But promise me this: don’t forget E. She has sweated blood for you. Laid awake for endless hours till dawn and beyond - holding you; willing you; making you live. Don’t forget her T: you are all her; and, she is, she is, she is you. 101028 what's it to you? who go blather from