giving_up faint the empty space between the fill of time the cross knowledge how it ends dissapointment and emptiness absurdity and desperation lacking and wanting and giving up 020321 ... Jarec i just feel like giving up nothing is going right and who cares if it would go right anyway? it all sucks and i just want to die, but hope is a fucking bitch and keep on nibbling on my ear hope is the devil, keeps you miserable and keeps you moving i still havent had time to just lay down and cry myself to sleep.... 021116 ... celestial i quit 021117 ... limanne Came close today - Close to giving up. The rain was unrelenting, Nor'eastern winds bit at my ankles. High heels, unpractical but appropriate... What kept me from giving up? 021117 ... celestial perhaps the hope that things will eventually get better? 021117 ... Lime Rider i would never give up hope. maybe that's what wrong with me 030107 ... amy being difficult or is my life too hard If i lose this job i will understand why and i won't inordinately blame myself but i will still give up on life for a little while. I will have no choice there will be no one and nothing to hold me up- the holidays are very lonely for me not a single xmas party. But I'm used to it by now, it's just that the evenings by myself are becoming more and more difficult. Oh well. I'm sorry. I've always felt shunned, and I've never been able to overcome it. Too scared to walk into a bar by myself, too sceptical of people's scepticism to try at all. It's been a really hard year. A year of (painful) progress however. I'll be ok things have been far worse. 151220 ... nr i've heard a lot of people say it's been a hard year this year. or maybe people always say things like that. but maybe it's something about the year that'll go away in 2016? we can only hope. 151220 ... raze after fighting for seventeen years to stay in this house, i'm not sure i want to be here anymore. i don't think things are ever going to get better. there's a decent to strong chance they'll get worse. i'm just tired. of all of this. 240614 what's it to you? who go blather from