giving_up faint the empty space between the fill of time the cross knowledge how it ends dissapointment and emptiness absurdity and desperation lacking and wanting and giving up 020321 ... Jarec i just feel like giving up nothing is going right and who cares if it would go right anyway? it all sucks and i just want to die, but hope is a fucking bitch and keep on nibbling on my ear hope is the devil, keeps you miserable and keeps you moving i still havent had time to just lay down and cry myself to sleep.... 021116 ... celestial i quit 021117 ... limanne Came close today - Close to giving up. The rain was unrelenting, Nor'eastern winds bit at my ankles. High heels, unpractical but appropriate... What kept me from giving up? 021117 ... celestial perhaps the hope that things will eventually get better? 021117 ... Lime Rider i would never give up hope. maybe that's what wrong with me 030107 ... amy being difficult or is my life too hard If i lose this job i will understand why and i won't inordinately blame myself but i will still give up on life for a little while. I will have no choice there will be no one and nothing to hold me up- the holidays are very lonely for me not a single xmas party. But I'm used to it by now, it's just that the evenings by myself are becoming more and more difficult. Oh well. I'm sorry. I've always felt shunned, and I've never been able to overcome it. Too scared to walk into a bar by myself, too sceptical of people's scepticism to try at all. It's been a really hard year. A year of (painful) progress however. I'll be ok things have been far worse. 151220 ... nr i've heard a lot of people say it's been a hard year this year. or maybe people always say things like that. but maybe it's something about the year that'll go away in 2016? we can only hope. 151220 ... raze after fighting for seventeen years to stay in this house, i'm not sure i want to be here anymore. i don't think things are ever going to get better. there's a decent to strong chance they'll get worse. i'm just tired. of all of this. 240614 ... FauxGrr today i broke down completely. my heart feels shattered not from love but from something deeper. the will to keep going has just left me. i don't want to call my therapist. this medication is another dead end, another promise that didn't deliver. there are black widows in my greenhouse, and i swear one is feeding on my soul. my friends surround me with love, i keep reaching toward them for help, but there's only so much anyone can do i'm drifting, completely untethered. 250529 ... epitome of incomprehensibility FauxGrr, I'm sorry things feel so hopeless. But I'm glad you wrote. Part of that reason is about you getting out what's bothering you. I'll hop over three dots to explain the other. ... Hop. Yes. This is the selfish part: the phrase "giving up" perfectly fits a thing I was thinking of putting on blather yesterday, where generous_but_stingy didn't quite cut it. What I cut was a treat for me. Cut and pasted it into a treat for others. I was picking up groceries for a woman with kids, as I'd volunteered to do; I was already behind schedule, hurrying through the aisles of a Metro that wasn't a metro but a grocery store. Hungry, I was thinking about candy, and on the shelf I saw a devourer's paws. I didn't want those. That is, I didn't want to be a mindless devourer at that moment, and I had no particular desire for Bear Paws, the cookies. But the kids would probably like the chocolate ones! It was a pretty safe bet, since something else their mother had ordered was chocolate-flavoured. So I got them, out of pocket. Here is an extra. My treat, for you. But as I walked back to the subway sort of metro, Langelier station, I realized what *had* been a treat to me: I had discovered a new street on the island I call home. Langelier, stretching long and tree-lined. A bus line, the 33, shortening the walk. 250530 ... e_o_i Today I gave_up giving up on candy. The pot I bought at the purple_bookstore says SWEETEN THE PLOT. I got an audiobook for my uncle whose birthday we're celebrating on Sunday, but the gummies are for me. 250530 what's it to you? who go blather from