silentbob why do i do this to myself 040910
uow i plan on never getting married,
and never having children.
that shouldn't be too difficult.
bespeckled It's so confusing to be single.
Every encounter and casual mingle
is actually, unbeknownst to me,
a dance of seduction, casually
caressing and readying,
through words and glance,
for that not so distant chance
to invite me up to your room or out for a drink
which otherwise I wouldn't question,
wouldn't think
to suspect as your attempt to woo
until that moment comes, your eyes asking
"will you?"
and me not knowing what to say,
or how this happened,
or whether to stay,
uncomfortably smile and shrug and say,
i'm sorry i didn't know it would be this way.
Hurriedly walking out the door,
down the street and think of more
things I might have done so you
would know that I didn't want what you do.
But there's not point, no other way.
I'm single, and it's just another
nom "i don't even like the term single"

"or couple"

"or boyfriend"

i've said lots of times
leahcar I haven't been in 3 years... Now It's time for me to re-learn life alone. Let's start by figuring out (or remembering) who I am. 070510
unhinged it's been four years since i wasn't.

for three months of my adult life i wasn't.

sometimes being single is a long lonely road.
leahcar another 3 years added to the first... I thought it was the end of the world when it ended the first time. Now after 6 years I feel like I'm starting a new life.

I didn't know, then, how much I didn't know about myself... Lucky for me, I learned who I am over the 6 years we've been loving eachother. I've always known that you were still finding yourself, but I thought you'd catch up. Unfortunately for me you are admittedly incapable of leading... Unsure of who you are without me.

I wish I knew it would end because you didn't know you... For the first time in your life you know what it means to be single... and yes, Honey, it is supposed to hurt this much.
unhinged we don't talk about it this time
what 'we' are

you say
you supposedly wouldn't get mad
if i found someone new
someone better

so i guess for all intents and purposes
i am single
leahcar I thought that it was done... But you learned and grew and 6 years together with some breaks turned into 7 years together with some breaks after you asked to continue... This last break is a clean one. I know for sure. Seeing you over christmas was a great indication of where we are. At some point we will be friends again. For now, please don't have a change of heart. I mean... It was one thing for you to leave because of you... but there is no coming back from a breakup like this last one. Being told that your fiancee after 7 years of dating thinks that the way you process information and emotions is simply wrong because it is not the way he does it. "Not intelligent" were the words you used... After having you tell me that you don't like who I am as a person... I'm not in a hurry to kiss and make up. 120110
n o m still don't like 'single' or 'in a relationship' etc.

yesterday i read the term relationship anarchy,
coined in 2010
flowerock I have not been for long at any time since I first had a boyfriend at 16, maybe it was 17... either way, the space between relationships was always very brief. A month or less. I've worried if I would regret never having been single after having known love_and_partnership, I have never been alone since the first love, I have never been just_me as an adult really. I met my second boyfriend d just before the breakup with the first boyfriend, I met my third partner while with the second, I met my fourth and current love while with the second... after the third I lapsed backwards almost back to the second then unexpectedly fell into love with the fourth. I am so happy now. I want to stay at four_forever. 150627
flowerock I guess I worried that I might be more likely to take my partner for granted if I'd never been really alone as an adult, b it my last relationship was so unhappy and miserable that I think I appreciate my lover pretty well. I do want to expand my love and show more appreciation for him though. 150627
unhinged i just spent all day trying to have an emotional relationship with someone that is incapable of understanding my emotions.

fuck it.

i am single.
flowerock Not that my appreciation should be based upon the contrast of negative to positive, I just feel that having experienced more of the spectrum of possibilities I have a broader perspective than I previously had. 150628
nr often the loneliness and the desire to be free and independent fight with each other. usually the latter wins, and it's hard to be in a relationship when you keep moving. though i do know where i want to stand still, and likely who i'd want to stand still with, but let's see what the government has to say about that. (this is for a different page.)

i do wonder though how long i'll be satisfied standing still. there's just so much to experience and so little time.
nr i guess it would be ideal if a person would be willing and able to join in that kind of lifestyle. 150628
nr he told me he and his best friend are both single. i think it's easier to be single when you have good friends who are also single. i think i maybe have one or two of those left. 160621
unhinged in the most literal sense

my roommate is in china until the middle of next month. a few days of solitary living are welcome, but i am beginning to miss him. july 12th will come soon enough i suppose.
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