i_searched_my_notes_for_the_word_hope warmthofrelease (Practice) my god it's so hard to be graceful lately hard to even be respectful always been told don't speak with a mouthful but I have to multitask with a plateful I guess we're still playing games but I'm not feeling playful everything I say is just a little painful but I know how much worse the silence is so be thankful or do what you want just don't be wasteful on something as childish as being hateful I just hope I can practice what I preach the song's for you the lesson's for me constantly remind yourself nothing's out of reach constantly remind yourself nothing's what it seems (January 2020) and I hope you don't see the serpent in me but I know what you've been and I'll know what you can be (November 2016) if we die the memory dies the past dies the future dies so let's close our eyes and try to think it's all going to be okay in time if we die the children die some animals might survive and if they do and try to evolve and do what we did I hope they don't and I know they will because we've all been one thing this whole time pinballing around itself and growing out of control until finally one of the loose dice it cast threw something which might help make it understand itself swallow itself into singularity and find peace if we die the dying dies (June 2015) so make a toast to the hopeless kind of love and the steps that we take just to keep the stakes low and the mistakes we make and the chances we take and the changes we make when it's time to go (March 2020) I needed just enough hope and you were there (May 2015) Good morning [nonzero] I hope you've been enjoying the CDs I sent you there weren't too many "new" things in there some of them were updated versions of things I'd given you in the past, but nothing you would've been entirely unfamiliar with it's been a minute since I've shared a mix style playlist with you that wasn't very emotionally charged and a little fucked_up I'm not sorry for those, they meant something to me then and they mean something to me now but still, I am sorry for the fact that its_only_been_heavier_stuff_for_a_while but now I have something fo ya that's more on the poignant and sentimental side I've made a playlist to celebrate the return of autumn I've had to really resist the urge of comparing this to the one I made last year I've always been proud of the first Autumn one and I wouldn't want to hold anything else to the standard of what that one means to me but more importantly, aside from the season theme and the approximate length this_is_something_very_different and it_deserves_to_be_seen_in_its_own_light I know we're still in the last week of summer and these temperatures don't feel very autumnal at all but at least from here there are definitely signs of change the nights are getting longer the early dawn is much cooler the forestry and vegetation is becoming much more colorful seasons_change_and_so_do_we I feel like it's important to be in tune with environmental changes in the midst of them so that we can have a point_of_reference for how the self is changing and the symbiotic relationship between us and nature and patterns all this to say this is for us, --- ------ [I'm sorry I can't] going forward happy (impending) equinox (September 2019) I hope you are still safe and I am falling asleep touching myself and say it's not happening I am falling (June 2015) --------, I wrote you a check. I hope it gets lost in the mail. I forgot to write the word void. I meant it as a love poem. An addendum to a valediction. It's mardi_gras_day. It's wet. It's never meant less. I'm wearing red. You shouldn't know what to expect. I never did send that check in the mail. What else could I have possibly forgotten? (February 2015) (Ryan the scientist) and I think that we're beginning to see the effects of this persistent chemistry I just hope I always get enough to eat I don't want to feel hunger but I hope I feel something and it's true that we were once mostly gold but getting old is about dealing with what you've become and protecting those things that you can't just leave behind if you have anything there is nothing that could ever hurt more there is nothing that could ever hurt more what's red white and blue and watching you (June 2017) hope is so awkward it's just waiting, mostly (July 2015) 250805 what's it to you? who go blather from