this_is_my_victory_insect lotuseater so i woke up in the back of a minivan going 80 on the highway to las vegas... there was a man with a fu-manchu moustache cooking polish sausages on a hibachi grill... he said to me "ahh, so you've finally arived. the glowing grub master will be pleased to know the parcel is safe" i didnt know how to respond, so i focused on the two toads dancing near the sun. it turned out to be a wet rat. the wind blew the loincloth needlessly to the side, the massive hair covered anything offensive on the wookie. "aarh, blaa mrgghaal?" han solo translated: "hes upset because you ate all the mayonaisse." "tell him im sorry, the sandwich was possessed by a pack of hyenas." but, naturally, he didnt believe me. he couldnt. after all these years training to hunt wild ox, this is the welcome he gets? oh, just fuckin great. not this song again, they know i hate fuckin sting. they dont even have hotwings. inquire inside, it said on the map. but the angry wasp nest was in the way, the lattitude was all wrong, plus my watch stopped working at 5:43am, and now the surfboard broke. what could be done but wait? 040107 ... shadow le crowl dude, this is some crazy shit, but i like it. how did you come up with it? 040108 ... lotuseater i just write things like this when im bored, honestly. usually works best when im nicely toasted, as well. im glad someone likes it! 040108 ... lotuseater gaboosh! the crocodile found himself, unexpectedly, in a pit of rotting meat! the earthworms had grown to proportions of unseen character. but oh yes, the flower had grown inteligence. and now it spoke "children, now the time is for hamburgers! the great orgiastic feast then followed, as was written in the ancient tome of gnarfla. 040115 ... lotuseater the smell of turtle food was finally getting to be overbearing. its one of those scents that cannot be washed off or covered up with conventional oils. reminded him of machineguns. "why must i do this over again and again?! i am reaching my maximum output levels. check the goddamm meter! im sure its in the red." he woke up and found himself standing over a severed dingo, chanting something about energy shields and power envelopes. the electricity flickered once, to show its discomfort with the entire situation. "please dont do that again," it said. this confused him greatly. not that this was the first time he heard electricity speak, but this time it was a female voice. "what happened to henry?" "hmm? oh, henry. he told me to tell you that he loves you and he must go to africa now." it must have been at this point when all things were to be put in new places. 040201 ... l "one night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster..." being awaken by this song is worse than paper cuts on your genitals. these machines i create... nearly complete. ..could fall asleep at any time... metal wasps at my control. i have been mourning the loss of my once beatiful planet saturn. she was stolen from under my very salad plate, whilst i feasted from its depths. 040203 ... lotuseater . 040203 ... lotuseater apparently, this hotdog isnt as big as his owner. twice today! seven thousand tomorrow. galvenized meat by-products of the 27th century! mollusks, being the noblest and wisest of all have universal control. the new decree states that we, as bafc877sz, have certain obligations to keep. i wonder if this will change anything. the company is excellent, but the baggage is sub-par. nothing is worse than a shitty nurse to tend these gaping knife wounds. more spangle, less angle. just whittle the corners down. i honestly believe in spatula. but what of this giant? is the mistress enough? is something as deep as the trenches themselves needed? the depths are enough to crush bones. many a submarine has sunk to this uncanny level. or perhaps indulge. spring comes soon, and you know what that means. perhaps... yes, perhaps. faraway lands beckon, and yet so do the ones nearby. the question: what the fuck happens next? *intermission, nocturnal emission, secret mission* not by any means as complicated as the preceeding, nonetheless chaleging. changeling. is there a doppleganger? oh, my goodness gracious. perhaps a long vacation. without leaving. its all in the h e a d does it understand? is it hungry? how long can it wait, we're doin 75 on this magic carpet. can he be lost and found at the same time? this chaos void calls. survive the world, enter anew? is it all here to begin with? w h a t b e a u t y y e t t o b e h o l d t h i s i s m y e s c a p e the flashing lights and beeping noises mean we are almost home. 040210 ... lotuseater cannon ball erupting salad, oiled by the very makers of the resistance army. a dorilian had just arrived, making the whole situation a bit more tense. the whole hall seemed to be holding its breath, then slowly exhaling, hoping nobody was looking. alan turned his head, and found his eyes affixed to the most insanely disgustingly beautiful creature he had ever come across. as the judges wings were beating rhythmically, he approaced the certain clone, as nothing but science could spawn this chaotically perfect form. you could almost see the odor of longing eminating from this source of shining glory, a slight greenish-blue haze of imagined love. as he closed the gap, the brightest and loudest thing he had ever seen happened: the building was under seige. subtle torpedo blasts knocked apart the walls, greatly upsetting the building. it quickly blinked the screens, then began twisting under the ground. code seven. bright fucking blue. there was no way the reptiles could have crossed the boarder, it was simply impossible. and yet swarms of them showed on the flashing screens, clawing madly at the pulsating stone walls of the hall. shit. where were the robots? they were supposed to be on constant patrol, warping and twisting the dimensions of any being that seemed a threat to the comission. but now, these reptiles, clearly a very large threat to the comission, were coming from every angle one could imagine. to be continued... *dramatic music starts* 040419 what's it to you? who go blather from