scat tender_square in the latest episode of "bob's burgers," linda belcher's kids pondered their mother's pooping habits and i felt seen. "there's a lot of commentary when you're in the bathroom," louise said to linda. then tina quipped: "yeah, she's like ken burns in there." 220308 ... tender_square i was waddling on my walk, eager to get home because i really had to go, and the following came into my head: "honey, i pooped a zeppelin." 220308 ... tender_square (a found poem from a neighborhood nextdoor post and its replies) we are at the end of a cul-de-sac, would greatly appreciate whoever is throwing their dog poop bags in the woods by our yard to stop. it’s gross and so sad to see. we try and keep the trash cleaned up; the woods are too thick. there is so much poop. some people are freaking pigs. that, along with everyone who thinks the side of country roads are trash bags, really is sad. lazy, don't give a s#$t a$$es sums it up. not me, no pets! one tortoise, he poops in his box, it becomes fertilizer for the plant. where did dogs poop before mankind cleaned it? do we know for sure it’s canine poo? could be someone who eats taco bell frequently, while driving for uber in the area. create a cul-de-spa for dogs: grooming aids, day care, vegan-based food and dog hotel. i really do hope they’re biodegradable. 220312 ... tender_square “i plooshed twice at work today,” i relayed to my spouse. “they should start calling me jim palooshie.” 220421 ... tender_square we were at at event and i whispered to my spouse that i may be a while in the bathroom. he was in the middle of a conversation with his brother-in-law at the coffee station and i didn’t want my husband to come back to our table wondering where i’d gone to. truthfully, i just needed more time for myself alone. as i walked away, i heard the two of them laughing and i knew my husband had told his brother what i said. “oh yeah, i said to him, ‘she likes to get out ahead of it before the shame builds.’” his brother-in-law shared that he and his wife have a code to describe their bathroom trips: “i’ve got to make a long-distance call,” they say, which seems far more eloquent. 220522 ... raze i am the walking inverse of those snickers commercials with the tagline "you're not you when you're hungry." i don't really feel like my fullest self until i've dropped some kids off at the pool in the morning. i never thought i'd be so regular, but i can almost set my watch to it now. or, you_know, i could if i wore a watch. these are the rituals we use to give our lives structure and meaning. without pooping, there can be no true happiness. i know that now. 220617 ... tender_square when you create song parodies together about poop, that's when you know it's real love. 220727 ... tender_square before she moved from houston, her cat, hendrix, became friends with a possum. hendrix would chill by the window, and the possum would chill on the banister of her balcony. afterwards, she realized that the possum was leaving shit smears all over her patio. it stunk. 230117 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Reminds me of a memory: I'm thirteen, standing with my Uncle Ron near the tree across from one end of Cedar_Christian_Academy. This tree is not a cedar, but a squat sturdy-branched shade-giver. I've climbed it before - against the rules. Anyway, we're talking, waiting for my brother whose science book this uncle has scoffed at before, saying it's "Bible this, Bible that." I agree with Ron about the age of the dinosaurs, but I want to rebut his seeming accusation that we're not learning anything. And so I show off. "In school, we were talking about eschatology, which is about the end of the world." He nods, saying that makes sense. "It sounds like scatology. Is that the word? Scatological, anyway. That means about poop, so in a way it's about an end, too - the end of the digestive system." Whatever I expected to hear, it wasn't that. I'm laughing as I look at the blue sky and nodding branches. 230117 what's it to you? who go blather from