another_country kerry i fell asleep with james baldwin resting on my chest and in the morning i staggered downstairs and we sat on the couch while the sun rose. james and i moved to the front stoop with our coffee and watched people pass by—the kids trotting off to parochial school in their uniforms, bob who has lived on this block for 54 years and always wears an undershirt and suspenders and calls me “kid,” the guy i always see bringing home a pizza or some kind of baked thing. alex asked was it a novel or essays, what was it about. i said it’s a novel and it’s about love and sex and race and gender and art, and alex laughed and said but tell me, what is it really about? he reminded me of one of the characters, slouched with his back against the bare wall, blasé, weary from the day or the world, dark eyes and long lashes and tousled hair. his mother likes to say how when he was a baby, his lashes were so long they made shadows on his cheeks. it leaves a burning hole in me, i wanted to say, but didn’t have the words at the time. it’s addictive, like travel, like cigarettes, like love. 211008 ... tender square this post is gorgeous. (also: had a similar run-in with a neighbor calling michael and i "kids" as we walked by not so long ago. michael turned and said to me, "well, at least we're still young to some people.") 211008 ... epitome of incomprehensibility I read the first sentence and thought James Baldwin was the name of a cat. Thought, "You have good taste in naming cats." Why a cat? Maybe because they like to perch unexpectedly on humans sometimes. Do you mind me asking which book, though? I read Go Tell It on the Mountain but it doesn't sound like that. More upbeat, maybe? (Not that less "upbeat" is bad. I mean, damn, James B. gives James Joyce a run for his money in depicting religion-imbued existential crises.) 211009 ... e_o_i Okay, I JUST realized Another Country was the name of the book. Thus the title. (flees in embarrassment) 211009 ... kerry james baldwin is an amazing name for a cat! i'm super allergic to cats or else i'd probably have one... i still have a list of good cat names. adding james baldwin to it now. and yeah, another_country feels different from go tell it on the mountain, it's not as brutal (in my opinion). isn't the title beautiful? maybe that's why i didn't make it more explicit... i didn't feel like i could touch it! 211010 ... kerry james baldwin, you broke my heart again. dammit, what a way to start the day! so i’ll be honest, i put you down, took a break, a deep breath-- it was too hot in that kitchen. you make me feell like i’m witnessing the enactment of my own greatest fears and desires. i was filthy i stank i needed a shower like the characters in this book barefoot, one leg half shaved, one not. bleach-stained sweatshirt i wore to the shelter, green running shorts. pleading with james baldwin and gritting my teeth, hissing a warning to the characters, why did you say that? if she would just open her mouth and-- are they going to make it? there’s only a few pages left. like exercise, i’d put it off and put it off, and when it was over i set the book down on the red table, staggered out to the front stoop to let it settle 211031 ... raze they were taking pictures out in the county. making motionless movies out of dilapidated old homes and barns wreathed with the silk spun by air-breathing arachnids. immortalizing desiccated street signs and unnamed dirt roads. he said he loved her. she chose honesty over a merciful lie and told him she wished she could say the same thing. he haunts the house they shared for however many years she stayed and tried to make herself feel what wasn't there to be felt. she lives in another country now. she makes vegan cheese, and he gives his love to someone else. but he still sees her face when he closes his eyes to colour his sleep with something darker than the dirt around the load-bearing beams that keep him from falling through the floor. 221226 what's it to you? who go blather from