2 1/2 wise cracks Signs you have hired a bad lawyer:

Every few minutes he yells out, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!"

Calls recess and asks, "Got any ideas, genius?"

Answers all objections with "Whatever..."

Frequently gives Juror Number Four the finger.

Places large "No Refunds" sign on defense table.

Begins every sentence with "Well, as Ally McBeal once said..."

He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla vs. Mothra.

Just before your trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"

He starts off his opening with, "Anyone got a light?"

Whenever he says, "Your Honor..." he makes those little quotation marks in the air.

Sign in front of law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:45!"

Begins by telling jury, "You all look like you should be on Jerry Springer."

He thinks he'll win your case, "Because there's a first time for everything, eh?"
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