not_the_words_i_should_be_speaking tilt these really aren't the words I should be speaking. I remember when I had words. they flowed like blood (yeah, they poured out of you like blood, too) shut up. (sorry) (what words should you be speaking, then?) oh, I don't know. I think I remember having words (you think? I think you never had words.) I said shut up. (sorry) (so...) alright, alright. no, look, I just don't have words today, ok? I haven't had words for years. (so why are you here?) 050128 ... tilt shut up. 050128 ... tilt sits in the corner and gazes at a nothing on the wall for a few hours. 050128 ... tilt remembers it should be doing that thing. 050128 ... tilt didn't do it. 050129 ... tilt wonders why it wanted someone to write under here. (why are you here if not for that reason) no, that's not true, i'm here out of habit. there's no 'reason'. I don't want to be popular, or for people to read me, or to make friends, i just want somewhere to be. (really?) yes. 050129 ... tilt (but why someone online and public and moreover where there are people you know, then?) ah. that, I don't know. it's blather. (but you could just have a file on your computer) yes, I know, but for some reason I think it's better when I have no control over it.if it was in a file, or on a website or a blog (god forbid) then i'd have the power to delete it. I think there's something special in the way that i can just blather and then it's out of my hands. (in other words, you don't want to be repsonsible) now you're just being silly. shut up. 050129 ... tilts alter ego (*somewhere*) 050129 ... tilt ha! now I get to yell at you! (shut up) that's my line, you can't use it! () not talking, are we? suits me. 050129 ... tilt (shut up) hehe. your only creativity comes from me! without me you'd be nothing! i win! rar! 050129 ... tilt i had a thought just then. (wasn't me..) hmm. (well, what was it, then?) i can't remember. (that's crap) yeah, sorry about that. damn. i think it was quite good. oh yeah. why do I need a name? (why does i need a capital?) well, yeah, but why do i want to call myself tilt? (ah, that's a mystery.) i see. 050129 ... tilt blah. 050129 ... tilt (you still don't have words, then?) no, not really. :-( (well, why don't you go and do something to take your mind off it?) that's the first good idea you've come up with all day. (wrong. it's the first idea i've shared with you all day; i have many brilliant ideas. I'm writing a book.) bullshit. and since when do you get a capital? skips off to do something else 050129 ... tilt (did you do it?) yeah, but it's not filled the gap, i mean, it's great. works. but meh. (maybe you should do something you're supposed to be doing) well i definately should be doing that. what have you been up to? (i've been asleep. like you) hmm. when do i get to find out what i want? (once you've got it) thanks for that. that really helped (hey, i'm just you, don't blame me) sigh. (ha. you're messed up, you know that? i mean, who else has conversations with themselves, where the other part is rude and annoying?) shut up. (haha. just stop typing me! you shut up, I'll shut up) you're giving yourself a capital again. stop it. 050212 ... unhinged because you would wish them away so quick to say 'ah well, she was drunk she didn't mean it' ah but i did mean it i do need you 050212 ... tilt (where've I been?) STOP CAPITALISING YOURSELF i don't even do that. (if I capitalise myself and you don't, does that make me more real than you?) no. you only exist because of me. (no no, you only exist because of me. how can you prove you're not a figment of my imagination?) because you don't have an imagination. i do, you are it. ergo, I exist and you do not. (but what are these if not thoughts?. I think, therefore I am. You also think, therefore you are, but I get a capital, and you do not, hence, I exist more than you do) why are you in brackets then? (that's just to distinguish which one of us is speaking) but if capitalisation signifies greater existence, surely bracketisation negates this? (hmm.. so we're back to being equal again, then?) haha. except that I can choose to capitalise myself, thus placing me one level higher than you (not if i can break out of brackets) but can you? I am the one who presses 'blather', so if I notice you've omitted the brackets, I can put them in, and you can't do shit (really?) see? I did it. (damn you) ha. i told you i exist more than you do. (what if I'm just playing with you? what if I'm actually putting the brackets here to fool you into thinking you're in control?) but why would you do that? (because I'm lazy, I want you to do most things, and if you think I exist more than you, you'll start wanting me to things for you. that's no good at all) ok... but you first started this "i exist" rubbish, why would you do that? (I'm not sure.. I can't remember. anyway, what's up?) well, things are pretty good, actually, got a few bits of work to do, but yeah, not going badly. I have to go now, see you later. (PS: if the same fingers type all these words, how can you be sure which of us typing?) 050226 ... tilt hello. (hi) long time.. (yeah....) so... are you still mad at me? (*sigh*, no, you're right I am... sorry, -i- am just a part of you. You're the boss.) yeah, well, maybe we're both just characters in someone else's mind. I don't think it matters. As long as you think you exist, that's about as far as you can ever get :-) (smiles) so, here I am, back at work, fallen in with the old routine quite well. yadayada. yourself? (very bored, as i imagine you are) oh yes. ;-) 050704 ... tilt hey thanks for being there, anyway (no problem) (i think you have more words of late?) yeh but notime to say (i know. it doesn't matter) 051114 ... tilt (what was that recent episode all about then?) sigh. i don't know. i really don't. (but you had the temptation again, right?) yes. yes i did. the temptation to carry on forever. maybe that's who i really am. i honestly don't think going mad is a bad option. (i know.) you seem to disapprove. (i'm worried what would happen to me if you went mad.) oh thanks. (hey, you can look after yourself (or have pretty nurses look after you) but what about me? i mean, i'm the one who's going to be out of a job) fair point. but i don't think i will go mad. not yet anyway. (oh good, so are we just going to forget about that little episode?) i'm chalking it up to extreme stress, how about you? (sounds like a plan to me) right. glad that sorted. (or at least carefully memory-engineered) stop that. we have always been at war with eurasia. (yeees. the photograph never existed.) indeed. 060501 what's it to you? who go blather from