medical_tourism kerry 1. $1400 is a lot for one month’s worth of pills. after he says the number the pharmacist flinches, as if he’s frightened, like i might jump over the counter and strangle him or start shrieking obscenities. but i am laughing. i can’t help it, it just happens. i laugh as much as i cry which is frequently (most people don’t get it. oh but jackie gets it.) he consoles me anyway and it feels good, like i’m being hugged, because i can hear it in his voice that he actually cares about my situation. my last pharmacist was a dick. this one is kind. i’ll figure it out, i’m not surprised, i tell him and he says to keep him informed. i feel bad about not calling even though nothing has happened. 210805 ... kerry 2. i am calling hotlines and i am looking at lists of foundations that have words like Needy and Modest in the name and i am feeling like a shriveled little fish in a big putrid pond and i'm thinking it could be worse it could be better it could be worse it could be better what should i claim, i ask him, how honest should I be, seems like you have to be basically destitute. seems like you have to have no money no body no face no future, or else Sorry You Are Ineligible for Patient Support. like squeezing_blood_from_a_stone. you ARE poor, he says, just fudge the numbers, it won’t make a difference. jackie says this country is a dumpster fire and it’s not fair and i appreciate her righteous anger joy says gimme a minute and comes back, Okay so it’s real cheap in India, do you happen to know anyone in India? friend of a friend? of a friend? or How about instead of coming out to visit me, she says, let’s just go up to Canada instead. let’s just drive up the coast, go to a doc get it prescribed, we'll bring all your tests and shit, a note from your doctor, whatever, then we’ll get tattoos like we always do when we travel i don’t know if they’ll let us in and that sounds like a lot of trouble but also a lot of fun 210805 ... unhinged for years i have gone to an apothecary instead of a pharmacy. not a pot store (although i go there too instead of a pharmacy). but like, the old school version of an apothecary. the back wall covered in big heavy glass vessels in brown glass to protect the precious plant materials inside. there used to be a dready gutter punk of a pagan witch that worked there that knew the magic of plants like any good witch would. i would tell her my maladies and she would make me a mix of five or six things with a linen pouch and tell me how much to put in the pouch and how long to steep it and how often to drink it it wasn't until years later when i read modern analysis of the witch hunts and the history of western medicine that i realized what a historical act me and that woman performed together every year at this time the tiny storefront where i went to be healed was flooded with cruise ship tourists (the most obnoxious kind). my cundera didn't like them one bit. she snapped and snarled and didn't care who she offended. she wasn't tourist entertainment. she was a healer with encyclopedic knowledge of herbalism i miss my apothecary. haven't been since covid started. I should go see if it's still there 210806 ... kerry right after high school graduation suzie went to iran to get a nose job, claiming it wasn't because of the cost but because her uncle was a plastic surgeon in tehran. after grad school abby jetted down to mexico for lipo and posted pictures online of her recovery--toenails painted neon green and a glass of fresh-squeezed juice, vast blue ocean background. jan had her wisdom teeth removed in thailand and said it was "like nothing." mom said "you remember art, he lives in mexico i think near tijuana, i wonder if he could give you a hand" and "i'm not so sure about that israeli online pharmacy, what if you pay $300 for a bottle of sugar pills?" and "you know helen's in toronto, i'll give her a call if you want," and but maybe i could use the help but my anger is energy and i cannot slow down i am not very big but i am furious 210807 what's it to you? who go blather from