letters_to_you silentbob dear_you this is where i'll write you to tell you things i'm thinking. telling them to your face would be a bad idea. 060524 ... silentbob i really wish you were here!!! 060524 ... silentbob today i thought about you too much, and today i took a breath. 060525 ... silentbob today i woke up and inspected my neck for hickies. 060527 ... silentbob i keep putting myself in this situation where i call you and want you to call me back and you don't so i'm left waiting around and just kicking around and just rising and falling with my chest as a i breathe in this oxygen chamber of flab and bone with my ribcage being the only validation that i'm alive at all and i just wish you would fucking call me. you told me you got nervous when i held your hand, that good kind of nervous that you feel in your abdomen. i told you i got nervous before i hung out with you, on my way over, but felt fine when we were together. the nervousness dissipates when i'm around you. i hate making myself that desperate asshole. 060528 ... silentbob her: your eyes really are beautiful, you know that? me: uhhh wow... uhh thanks.. her: you have this ring of color around them. they're just lovely. 060529 ... silentbob is it weird to think that i take this thing more seriously (this regular casual thing) more serioulsy than the thing i had with a person for a year? did i maybe take her for granted? or am downplaying it in retrospect? maybe i put a priority on you because you are current. maybe i take it really seriously because it is a genuine sexual fling and it makes me feel like a real person more than the thing that seemed like a movie when i thought about it with her felt so fake maybe more emotion is more real why is it always piano keys with me? 060601 ... silentbob i started thinking about what our last night together will be like how morbid is that 060601 ... silentbob why haven't you written me? the reason i seemed put off was because i wanted to be alone with you. 060607 ... silentbob i knew you'd stop being mad. 060609 ... silentbob i'm going to make a point of not calling you for seven days. to show you i can. i'm going to make a point of not thinking about you for seven days. just to show me i can. 060612 ... silentbob i thought you wanted to be an island so i thought i'd respect that but i miss your palm trees and white sandy beaches, and shallow blue waters. i miss you. 060615 ... silentbob i wish you'd invited me to that thing. 060615 ... silentbob it was good to see you before i left if only for a short while 060622 ... silentbob i'm coming back to you. with clean shorts and clean sheets and a full plate and bad dreams i'm coming back to you. i missed you. 060628 ... silentbob so where'd you go? how was your vacation home well obviously you were busy, too busy for me eventually i will get past you and stop thinking of you in idle moments when i am otherwise unoccupied i see your face on the faces of sitcom stars and feel your movements beneath the sheets in my bed you barely exist at all now because that was how it was supposed to be and i'm worried that it's all my fault cuz it is but i wanted to say happy valentine's day. i hope the sun's out in new york. i hope he bought you roses. i hope he bought you roses. so happy valentine's day. i hope the sun's out in new york. i hope he bought you roses. i hope he bought you roses i hope there's not another he i want him to be me at least for a while if it can last at all i don't know about your perspective because you more closed now which is just as well because that was always how it was supposed to be you don't respond when i tell you i miss you i'm just trying to stay in your life but if i were with someone anyone i probably wouldn't call you at all. how pathetic is that? 060824 ... silentbob it's been a year. i think of you often. i really really really want to know what you think of me. 070516 ... suicidalchinadoll there's a great big scarlet one you put on my chest. you're taking it back now, whether you want to or not. 090711 what's it to you? who go blather from