redtree_innerviews_bespeckled redTree what are you living for? what would you die for? what would you kill for? 080509 ... Bespeckled I am living for each day and the possibilities it holds. I am living on the notion that I can squeeze those possibilities into a reality, that I can get the most out of what I pursue, that I can drink all of the nectar out of life, love, work, relationships, laughter, sex, dreams, experiences, joy, exercise, friends, and family as I can. I am living for the hope that I can push them all to the limit, and revel in their excess. I am living for overstimulation of all of those senses which cause me pleasure as a result of these things, which I expect will lead me to so much happiness on a day-to-day basis that I can die completely, achingly satisfied. I would die for those I love more than myself. I can count four. I would kill for love. I would kill for vengeance. 080513 ... redTree you have been chosen as the world's new super hero, but you can possess only one power that you must select from the following two choices... 1. the ability to fly 2. the ability to be invisible which one do you choose? why? what will you call yourself? 080704 ... Bespeckled I have to think about this one, redTree. 081117 ... Bespeckled I'd be invisible. I'd like to take the high road - and choose the power we all wanted as children. Soar - innocently, curiously - over the world, do loops for our friends' amusement, swoop down to cats in trees for our neighbors. But I know I'll choose invisibility. So I can justify every suspicion with masochistic invasions of privacy. 081203 ... redTree what are the top five events of your life this year? 081209 ... redTree if the you now met the high school you, what would the two of you talk about? 081212 ... Bespeckled I'll answer the Top 5 question after the New Year. I'm holding out for a good addition. God, if I met the me I was in high school, I'd tell myself a host of things. I'm tempted to give myself warnings, to tell myself to do things differently. To try to make my 16-year-old self wiser, mroe composed, more forward-looking. Somethings I'd be tempted to say: Don't dump your boyfriend for ridiculous reasons such as your "need for independence", you'll somewhat regret it someday. Don't date controlling manipulative assholes - you'll know him by the red flags. Move to California - don't stay in Boston for a guy. Don't date a guy who not only doesn't answer your pillow_innerview questions, but who you suspect simply can't. Pursue your journalism major more thoroughly. Don't date guys you don't feel a pulsing passion for. But then where would I be now? I haven't even completely learned some of these lessons. I'm still learning them. I need to be smacked in the face with a couple of them still, so I can make better decisions going foward - so the me of tomorrow will be better than the me of today. The one thing I would probably go ahead and tell myself: Be a lady. And I'd also say: Keep doing what you're doing. Don't worry about looking back - you will stumble and have momentary regrets, but if you keep making your decisions passionately, sincerely, energetically like you do, your future will blaze so brightly that no one will be able to look away. Keep reaching for it, and don't be afraid. I'm proud of you. 081216 ... redTree i'm looking forward to your top 5...in the meantime, what would "pursuing your journalism major more thouroughly" involve? 081217 ... rt your recent post at, "mine," is a beautiful piece of prose, full of details i can see. your feelings are eternal. you are offering yourself, yet you know you belong to something greater. a purpose that is foundational, contemplative, and ultimately healing. what do you think? 090415 ... Bespeckled I think I'm totally enamored with him but I don't get what I want emotionally. I have sadly deep emotional depths -- which, I've found, are hard to satisfy by any normal human guy. It's not that he doesn't care, I think it's just that he doesn't get it. Which perpetually leaves me wistful and wishing that he'd wise up and appear outside my window with a stereo on his shoulder already. Or burn my name in the grass surrounded by a fiery heart. Or otherwise sweep me off my feet and kiss my soul. I'm inclined to express that -- but him not being so inclined -- makes me withdraw a little. I don't know. Sorry for the depressing answer to a hopeful question. 090602 what's it to you? who go blather from