i_searched_my_notes_for_the_thirteenth_step
warmthofrelease (Disappear)

and I can barely stand
and I can barely choke
and I don't feel the bleeding
and my blood feels broke
and all I'm fighting
is disappearing
and the race I'm winning
lets me race alone

(February 2015)



(Package)

these days I'm
early_to_bed_early_to_rise,
but I don't have the three_of_a_kind
that it's supposedly packaged with

(October 2018)



(Pet)

I don't hate being wrong
I just can't stand to be corrected
my ego's hard to check
my pride is not projected
it's something reflected
in other people's inspections
their judgment and rejections
when I get introspective
I am humble and connected
with existence I respect it
everything's copacetic
ignoring all aesthetics
my inner self lives ascetic but I
always feel pathetic
with the toxic righteous critics
looking over my shoulder as I'm
trying to be myself and they
make me regret it
if you ever felt this way you'd better
never forget it
don't let the people who look down on you
get too close, repetitive
emotional abuse is like
taking bad medicine
turn em off like sedatives
or television journalists
talking heads and presidents
don't let anyone decide for you
what right and wrong is
and if there is a heaven
every soul gets in
everyone as equal as one,
one great floating ruin
of stardust and ashes

(May 2019)



(Blue)

it's numb . and it's blue
and it's life . it's all_of_us
what_can_I_do?

(March 2015)



(don't be a fool)

don't eat_the_apple you fool
don't make me tell you the truth
just take_what_you_can_get
while_you_can
and show a little gratitude
not for me, but for you

(June 2017)



(Outside)

,
it's still a little hard for me
to comprehend it fully
here I thought
you were on_the_outside
but as soon as you
get comfortable with people
you become just another bully

(June 2017)



(Weak)

and I can't shepherd_the_weak
I can only counsel_the_strong
and I don't need no counseling
cause I've been mapping it out for so long

but tell me
who's gonna shepherd me

(February 2015)



(Loved)

sometimes when I loved
in proximity of others
they decided to love the same things

sometimes when I saw people
the way they loved made me feel
like it would be safe to love them too

and the people coming along with
all these things I found to do
didn't concern me like the way I was consumed

with attentions and protections
from everyone coming along
with everything to see and do

but I don't look you in the eye
and if you cry I'll buy you lunch and I
can love you like a daughter or a brother

but let's not hold a torch for one another

(March 2015)



(Stranger)

glasses alphas and manhattan socialites

three offenders
played the hands they were given
three offenders
wear the crown of the unforgiven
three relays
from distant stations
please excuse the misinformation
anonymity
to protect the guilty dead
from the guilty livin

you discarded the wisdom I gave you
on more than one occasion

play_stupid_games_win_stupid_prizes

like murder was the only thing
happening in florida
sensation captures a judgmental nation
topic of conversation
for hotel breakfast bar strangers



(Lullaby)
(Noose)
("For As Long As You've Known Me")

the portrait was all cyans and teals
set to a landscape of dust
little accents of yellows
especially in the man's hair

he was bare naked
once pale skin darkened
charred boiled and burned
like a half potato dropped repeatedly

hanging from the gallows
nooserope suspending both
his body and the bed in which he slept
dangling in desert wind

that used to be a hospital bed
it used to be a bottom bunk
used to be a cradle
his eyes were closed softly

some say death is nothing but silence
and if it were left up to silence
he'd have never got a wink of sleep
or ever found himself

but the sound of crisp woodburning
and the howl of the coyote
and the sway of life on the turning earth beneath
was always his lullaby

no, I was never well

(May 2021)



(I choose to live)

a reason to live is not a commitment to life

(June 2015)

and now I only live to regret that I made you strong

(September 2015)

(could develop a taste for Aston Martins)

think I must've broke some protocol
that I've never really known
but the longer I live the less I believe
I'm reaping what I've sown

(January 2022)

(Like That)

the peace of solitude is worth it
to get another chance
to break_the_silence all over again

sometimes it feels like
getting thrown between barrels
to live

live like that
in the tumble

(November 2015)

because everything might be coming true
and I might just live to love you

(May 2015)



(rhythm of the war drums)

so singular
they made me a singer
so musical
they burned me in the rhythm
so mysterious and graceless
and invisible
so mischievous and lucky
and invincible

(March 2015) 		250731
...
releaseofwarmth (Stranger) - (August 2021) 250731
what's it to you?
who go 		blather
from