my_bed bijou when he's not there, i sleep on his side of the bed. it's like it's almost still warm from his skin, like he just left only a few minutes ago for work. but he hasn't been here at all. sometimes it's just so much, god, it's too much. whenever i try to draw blood with this dull knife, i make a mental note to get a sharper knife. not because i use it very often. but when i do, i want to cut deep. it's so distracting that it quiets my convulsing sobs and i can sleep. only once in a great while. last night i dreamt of storms so terrible. the ocean crashing in my stomach tidal waves in my throat black clouds in my eyes i want to be a storm so moody and electric i still dream in tornadoes and breaking glass. it's only a small cut, but it's bleeding enough and the fuzz from my flannel sheets is sticking in the blood. "no one likes to give themselves over to an empty bed. if you're going to sleep like that, you might as well be dead." 020309 ... pralines&cream ... or in high school. 020309 ... misstree wow. 020309 ... chanaka secret lair of deep purple musings 020310 ... silentbob futon, blankets resting haphazardly. hiding god knows what from god knows when. sometimes its hard to sleep in my bed. almost always alone 020310 ... Miffey I've started sleeping on the other side. It's not nearly as worn as my side. Her 120 lbs didn't press it nearly as hard as my 200. However, if I have company (which, thankfully and occasionly, I do) I let them have the good side. And I change the sheets. 020311 ... little wonder when i got a bigger bed i just put more stuff on it. it got to the point that i would have to move everything around to squeeze myself in there. now it's just completely covered because i can't sleep in my own room right now. so i sleep on the futon it's wooden and i decided one day it would be a good idea to run and JUMP on it [note: it was already cracked] so it broke a great deal. but i slept on it anyway. it's fixed now and it feels funny that i'm not sinking into it anymore. 020311 ... peyton I didn't have one. I slept on a pullout in the living room, one that left indentions in the carpet. I shopped around, and bought a king that took seven people to get up the stairs. It was a grevious error on my part. I don't even have sheets that fit the damn thing. I still sleep on the matress. It was new, still in plastic when I got it. It has flowers. It's like an ocean of fabric, and no matter how I stretch I can't hang off the side when I'm touching the other. It's lonely there. It kind of scares me. But I don't have anything else now. 020502 ... silentbob where we shared a 9 hour kiss 020502 ... Sonya Single sized, slender, and compact. Some would say it's just right. It's like those single sized cups of Half and Half served at restaurants, or a teaspoonful of jelly for a single pancake. It's just enough to make you long for more in agony. It's just enough... It's not. You wake up and turn to the side only to find the edge and the black beady eyes of a genderless stuffed elephant staring at you with a dumb expression on its face. My comforter has dark and light lavender shades mixed with light pink orchids...I guess I have the whole "tranquil tropical" thing going on. The springs often knead into my ankles. I'm not sure why but down at the foot they are starting to pop up. Despite its seemingly perfect size, I still get lonely in it. It's times like these when the pillow becomes the unconditional listener and my human dependence is almost resented. It's 1:56 am. I am going to crawl into bed soon and pretend that the size is doubled and he's laying there, snoring softly. Why do I always dream about strange animals and pastries? Why can't it be what I wish?! My bed will never compare to his...because the contentment was real then. Now, in my "bachelorette" lounger, it's just as 'authentic' as artificial sweetener. 020611 ... jg You can share my bed with me as long as you promise to love me. Don't break my heart-you've already done that to me too many times to count, and I don't feel like adding one more time to the list. Why did you leave? 020612 ... nom) is my couch 050923 ... raze there are fourteen books in my bed right now, among other things. and still i find a way to sleep in it. 130507 what's it to you? who go blather from