if_clouds_had_eyes mcdougall I saw you walking today from your history class. You were holding your books by your side and staring off into the sky, as if you were looking for someone to look back. Your hair was shining in the sun and bouncing from side to side as you walked to your car. At that moment I realized that I can't be who you want me to be, I can't see the world the way you do. I want to know the things you do and feel the way you do, but I can't. We are different. I hate this, I love you. Tomorrow we will see each other again and we will talk like we always do. You will complain to me about of the 'moronic' questions and statements asked by all of those 'less than grateful' people in your English class. Then we will discuss the plays you are reading like we have ever Thursday since the end of august. The highlight of my week. Tomorrow will be different but I think I will enjoy it even more because I am a little closer to understanding you. I wonder, how do you view me, when I view you through a filter of admiration and wonder. 031001 ... peyton That's beautiful. 031001 ... mcdougall thank you. very much 031015 ... nom "I wonder, how do you view me, when I view you through a filter of admiration and wonder." loved this 031015 ... peyton mcdougall how did this turn out? I'd really like to know 031204 ... mcdougall Through the dense and the dreary Through the peaceful and the cheery The cold has come and I’ve gotten sick. Too many walks or not enough blankets. One or both, I don't regret either. You’ve been there with me on every chilly walk and every wintry night. Nights and walks I wouldn't trade for the world. The times I spend with you are my most cherished moments of my life. You are always there for me and all I want to do is be there for you. My biggest fear is that one day I won’t be there to help when you need it most. Its test time and you're finally finished with your English class. I think I’m going to miss it more than you will. You’re nervous about your exams and you can't understand why I am so carefree about mine. You’re still learning things about me and I still have so much to understand about you. You leave to go home in just under a week and unfortunately so do I. I love you now more than ever and I can't wait until I can tell you and you'll understand exactly how I feel. 031208 ... Sonya This is the first time I've had a chance to read this. I'm crying. I'm not crying because I've been on mcdougall's end. I'm crying because I see myself in the nameless person who took that English class. I'm the nameless person who stresses at the exams and thinks some people ask the most asinine questions in class discussions and sometimes views the world through rainbow lenses. I wonder if you ever saw me this way without my realizing it. How did you see me? 050623 ... peyton the most beautiful part of blather and the most tragic is that the stories and thoughts the real love, I guess is burned here forever. and we'll never be sullied by how it ended or how it wasn't what we thought there are no twist endings or kneejerk shatterings just the silent, static moment beautiful all its own. I really wish it would remain that way for everyone, in the real world. Here nothing ever fades. 101223 ... unhinged (but some things are meant to fade) i think they do the few little rain clouds in the sky tend to find the busstop i'm standing at and leave the one a block away to the sunshine 101224 ... lostgirl they'd see that things are exactly as they should be. it's really alright. the pain is slipping away, leaving in its wake just a gentle memory. my only lingering wish (upon the hidden star behind the cloud) is that you're safe and well. 101224 what's it to you? who go blather from