static native persimmon This is: somewhere above and behind my eyebrows Melting nests of matted fuzziness have congealed in the heat, indolently oozing into each other to form a hardening enamel; I am unable to make the connection. 060701 ... birdmad thought and vision obscured by white_noise in the places where the voices of the dead sometimes make themselves known 060703 ... .flowerock. why does my mind cling like static to the image of you? my mind is... furling, un furling, spiraling in and out... my soul is reaching and seeking... inside a little girl is striking tally marks on the wall, counting the days, now reach out? now? did they? will they?... counting... it hasn't been that long. it's not so much a problem as just a bit strange, a little embarrassing if I thought you could see in... and then I wonder through dreams, because eye contact in dreams is so strange... can you? and then I laugh at myself... oh self... chill out, furlout... pay attention to how the breathing changes the curling... 170714 ... Risen I am stood still, static I know what I have to do, what I have to write. Send a clear, definitive signal. Make it right, make it lasting... My truth is a kernel inside a hard shell I've built, and I think I could keep it hidden forever... but does that make me a coward? Is there a point if it will never be seen? Do I have an obligation to be truthful here? To myself... to the story of this place that I will re-read one day, with the benefit of hindsight... that I would give anything to have. 170717 ... .flowerock. I cling. I don't mean to be a creeper... but I texted... and no response for over two weeks... so... I emailed... 5 hours ago. I need to learn to be my own friend... because I either want your (anyone's) attention all the time, on demand, or none at all... and that's not really fair... but I feelike I've had friends like that before, that wanting was mutual... now...? now I worry, are you ok!? probably... just busy... living... you know... like a normal functional adult would be... I am thankful for my lover, he is certainly that kind of friend and I'm so glad. I feelike I can cling and bug as much as I want and get the desired results :P but that's what heartmates are for ;) 170717 what's it to you? who go blather from