christmas_eve icewater Its Christmas eve, and they are fighting again. We open all our presents tonight, my mom works in the morning. I know everything I am getting from my mom. I've already gotten money from everyone else. The party is at our house this year, which means I have to clean. The ornaments on our tree never hang right. It looks pathetic right now. Nobody cares about Christmas anymore, just another deadline. Buy gifts, feel guilty, feel poor. Pretend to like what other people got you. Christmas means very little. It makes me feel more hollow. 021224 ... DammitJanet work all day, family get together all night. literally. i just want peace. i just want quiet. yet no one understands that. walking through the door tired and already cranky. here come the comments on my life, my clothes, my place. none of them worked all day, running around like crazy to get all the work done, helping complete idiots with their last minute shopping. i need this day to be over already. tomorrow isn't coming soon enough. 021224 ... belly fire I forgot they were coming! I'm going fucking mental with all this work. It's making me forget the most obvious of things...like FOOD on the floor for Christ's sake. I saw your mom's chicken soup and I wanted to cry. Because I knew I wasn't getting any. It's easy to forget I have my own family at home...when there's a whole other one crowded around me munching crackers. Your Uncle Rudy still doesn't know who I am! But I remembered the smell of my house before I stepped in the door. Immediately I felt better about everything. 021224 ... crOwl reindeer hooves on the roof a flash of red in the living room crumbs of cookies the milk is gone oh my god 061224 ... tilt crowl makes me smile again 061224 what's it to you? who go blather from