white_christmas raze this time last year the sky was grey and we were trying not to drown. today there's a damp duvet draped over everything. remnants of a blizzard. i don't think i miss how loud things used to be back when every christmas was white. watching glorified strangers fall face-first into puberty. the vacant eyes of a man too hungover to do anything but play video games while ignoring his wife and children. whispers of mothers and sisters who would never be mine. it couldn't be like that again. not even if i wanted it to be. no one i thought i knew then would have anything to say to me. or to anyone. they'd be lost inside their cell phone screens. and that's fine. i like the quiet. i could have done without the blue winged bully that stole the food i meant for my friends to have. but they weren't coming out in cold this thick. now i gather up the gifts i've been given. far-flung and snow-stung. i clutch them tight against my chest. feel the smooth skin of fruit frozen between thumb and forefinger. i lick the back of my hand to wet a wound i can't explain, and let god's laboured breathing take care of the rest. 221225 what's it to you? who go blather from