impatient_waiting misstree i keep looking out the window, wondering if he'll show up. nothing is easier to obsess about than uncertainty. i should leave. i should go walking, go riding, go somewhere, do something, distract myself, but if i did, i'd be convinced that he'd show the second i wasn't here to recieve him. and for what? so that i can sit in silence with him, keeping myself too closed in to be comfortable, thinking that maybe today is the day that i feel... what? cared for? done. special? kind of done. complete? never. i just want to feel, anything but this uncertain aloneness, this waiting i've trapped myself in. i just want to feel. 070803 what's it to you? who go blather from