wet_nose leif Where did you go after you closed your eyes and your chest fell for the last time? We donated your body to the University, so that they could teach Vet students about your conditions. I imagine you would have been cremated by now. I don't know where they have consecrated your ashes, and I wish I did. I wish I had somewhere I could go that felt like you. The silence of your absence is all encompassing. I resent our house for failing to remain a home. I knew how much I loved you, but I didn't know how much you completed our life. I didn't know that everything would become hollow without you. I go through the daily motions because I don't know what else to do. I note all the painful moments with a sigh of defeat. No one greets me when I return, no one watches me eat cereal waiting for a shared morsel, and no one follows me to bed. It's so lonely without you, my girl. I'll be longing for those chestnut eyes the rest of my life. 240531 ... epitome of incomprehensibility This is a beautiful commemoration and it's nice to see you around these parts, but I'm so sorry about the loss of your dog. I hadn't thought so much about how pets are a big part of daily routines, but it makes a lot of sense - how that strengthens the bond, makes them harder to say goodbye to. 240601 ... leif My darling. Sometimes, I think I see you out of the corner of my eye and my breath catches. A couple of weeks ago, I scrolled across a video of a dog that could have been your twin, and I was thrust into racking sobs. You saved my life. Oh, how I wish I could have saved yours. We really did try. There wasn't a single cent that would have kept me from helping you. I guess money really doesn't solve all problems. I think it's such a horrible irony that the greatest source of love I've ever encountered came from a dog whose heart was failing since birth. The Vet who euthanized you said that she was stunned that you made it to your fifth birthday. I try to remember that when I'm feeling especially cheated by your short life. We applied to foster at the rescue where we got you. I want to honour you in the only way I know how. I hope you will guide the right dogs to us, the ones who will need us as much as we need them. I love you, eternally. 241212 ... e_o_i (This is beautiful, and I wish you all the best with your fostering.) 241213 ... leif I'm scared that I will compare her to you--equally fearful for the ways that she will be different and also the same. On Sunday, it will be 8 months since we said goodbye. Over the holidays, I cried a lot aching for you. "What's wrong?" my Mom would say when she noticed my quiet tears. "I miss my dog," I would say as I broke further into despair. I don't want people to forget you and the depth you inhabit within me. I don't want them to see me with another dog and think that I've moved on. I haven't, and I won't. 250110 ... leif Today, we are bringing home the first foster in what I hope becomes a long line of fosters who will become your legacy. I cried last night trying to tidy up the house in preparation. I found your leash stuffed into a bag from the last time you wore it. I confess to burying my face in it and trying to catch your scent. When the new dog enters our home, I hope she can smell you. I hope her nose picks up on how much we loved you--that each olfactory moment sets her at ease. I already love her, and I can tell that it's the love I wish I could give to you flooding my cells. I'm trying to convince myself that it's a good thing. 250110 what's it to you? who go blather from