time_travel kerry when i go home to visit my parents i am suddenly in high school again. i sleep in the bedroom where i spent so many hours on the phone and was soaked with melodrama and uncertainty and plans. i can cut the tension between me and my mother with a knife. i have the urge to hide in my room, and then suddenly feel lonely, return to the front of the house, and want someone to talk to me though no one's around. i wind up sitting on the couch with my dad watching seinfeld and then listening to random stories about connecting with old buddies from vietnam. i do not drive so i have to either call a car with my phone (not an option in high school, still unaffordable anyway) or ask for rides. new years: jackie's plans to leave town were thwarted so she decides to have a gathering at her place. unlike in high school, i cannot walk to her house anymore. in fact, she lives only a few blocks away from where jack used to live. i mull it over, and over, and over--i could get a ride there with emily, or my dad could take me. emily and i have been invited to stay the night, but i leave for philadelphia tomorrow so that won't work. i don't know who will be at this shindig, how drunk everyone will be. again, i could call a lyft or an uber, but on new years? it would cost a fortune. i ask my brother what he's up to, if he can pick me up. not even late--i just want to get to midnight and some change. 12:30? he can't. he and drew are going to twain's because they can walk there and will be in no shape to drive. i understand--it's cool. just thought why not ask. we are in the kitchen. my dad is listening to this. he steps forward and says, "i could give you a ride." his glasses are perfectly round and it seems like the lenses get thicker every year. his moustache is now totally gray. he is thin, wearing socks with sandals and levi's as always. no, no no no no, i say, filled with relief and gratitude and guilt. i know he stays up late, but i don't want to derail his little nighttime routines. he's getting old. no, it's fine, he says. i'll just take a nap. what time? 12:30? (i am biting my lip.) just enough time for all the cheers and whatnot, and then some goodbyes. no problem. and a couple of hours later i am walking down the hallway to my room when i hear a kind of low scratching sound. i peek into my parents' room. my dad is under the blue quilt, sleeping on his back with his legs out straight like a mummy, snoring away. taking a nap so he can come get me tonight. 230103 ... tender_square (i love every moment of this piece, kerry. i've missed your voice and your words so much.) 230103 ... raze (can i second that? the end of this blathe punched me right in the heart, the way only your writing can.) 230103 ... kerry (thank you so much, tender_square and raze. i've missed red; i haven't been very present lately.) 230104 what's it to you? who go blather from