oxford tender_square i had another anima dream, he said. one where i had to confess that i was married again. he seemed sheepish about it. i buried my head in his chest, curled up to him on the couch as he recounted it. in the scene, he was in oxford with friends from high school when she came in to the room. she’s a singer-songwriter from the town, he said. she’s a real person? i asked. he nodded. what’s her name? he wouldn’t say. what’s her music like? she’s got a voice like lana del rey. but the music isn’t as good, it’s just guitar. i didn’t really know her when i was in grad school, i just knew of her, he said. in the dream, they got to talking. he said they were totally enamored with one another, it was instant. that was the word he used, enamored. it was like being in my twenties again, he said. at some point in their conversation he was reminded of the ring on his hand and seemed sad, at least to me, to tell the girl that he was married. the dream ended. it’s funny, he went on as he made toast. if you saw her instagram you’d probably really connect with her style. then he revealed her name to me. 211106 ... tender_square i looked her up and she kind of resembles ellen page, his ideal woman. he’s never seen kate play her music live before. so how did you find out about her? i asked. oh, i read about her in a local arts mag and looked her up. she was the producer of a radio show that featured writers and other performers back in oxford. he told me that there was a time where he may have exchanged emails with her, he was not certain. he was looking to live in a house that had a vacancy and was pretty sure she lived there. he didn’t take the available room because he’d just gotten sober and worried about his willpower, he thought it was safer to live on his own. on our walk yesterday, i kept singing verses from “kate” by ben folds five aloud to the street; “i wanna be kate!” not realizing the connection until he asked, “is this because of my dream?” kate lives in nola now. the day before his dream he suggested we stop there on our way to pensacola before his mother’s memorial, take the train from chicago to the big easy and have his sister and brother-in-law pick us up on their drive over to florida. i'm recalling that he told me he fell in love at first sight with a woman in his twenties once, someone he didn't know, and now i can't help wondering if it was kate. 211107 ... tender_square i was going to live in a townhouse with two former frat brothers of mine, he said. someone had just moved out, which was why there was room for me. i checked out what was to be my room and it had all i needed—there was space for me to sleep but also an area large enough for me to write. and even if that wouldn’t have worked, there was more space in the house i could’ve used. i was going through the symbols and what’s interesting to me is the notion of a townhouse. in canada, you call homes detached or attached, and a townhouse is an attached dwelling; it was understood that by me living in the place that i’d be brought closer to the community and closer to women. it sounds like a beautiful dream, i said. it was. i think i’ve been dreaming about oxford so much because it was the last place that felt like home, he said, back when i was in undergrad. 211109 what's it to you? who go blather from