katy silentbob "What would you like?" "Uhh a cheeseburger with no onions, french fries, and a pepsi with no ice." "And for you?" She's quiet so the waitress leans in so she can hear. "Club sandwich, ham." "Do you want anything else?" She looks confused. "Like... with your sandwich?" She looks at the menu and with her finger, considers her options. "A shake." "Ok, be right back." "Fucker." She says. "What?" I say. "I wanted a sundae" "Oh, well just ask for a sundae when she comes back i'm sure she'll change it for you." "No, i don't want to make her do anything else. It would be another trip." "But it's her job... She expects to do things people ask. It's what she's paid for." "I just hate ordering things because ... they look at me... and expect me to talk." "Heh.....heh..." "If i could find a restarant where you sit alone in a booth and push a button and food comes out, that'd be the place for me." "The world's a twisted place." "The world wasn't built for people like me." "The world's a twisted place." Our booth and another booth are pushed together and a man sits alone and out of the corner of my eye he looks like he's just staring at me. "I don't want a shake, i want a sundae." "Just ask for a sundae when she comes round again." "But then i'd have to talk." "Sometime we should take you..." the waitress comes down and sets down her water and hands me my pepsi, no ice. "I'll get your shake" The waitress leaves and she does not ask her to change her order. I smile. "Sometime we should take you downtown and force you to talk to strangers, like at the record store" She smiles at me like i'm the biggest asshole in the world and shakes her head. "It would prepare you, give you experience so that in the event that you have to talk to people, like to change your order or something, you can do it." "I'm so mad at myself." "I'm sorry." "My sandwich isn't going to have mayonaise on it." "Is it supposed to?" "No, i'd have to ask for it." "Just ask for it." The waitress brings her the shake, and i say "Does this come with mayonaise?" "No, it doesn't come with it, should i bring some?" "Yeah, that'd be great" "Ok." "Thanks!" the waitress leaves. she smiles at me, shaking her head like i'm the biggest asshole in the world. When the sandwich comes, it comes with a side of mayonaise and a large amount of extra things on top, tomatos, peppers, onions. "What is all this shit? I didn't order this!" "Oh, you have to ask them not to put it on it." "It was all in parantheses! I thought it was stuff that you could get with it, not stuff that comes automatically! Fuck this!" "Well....uhhh....heh.." She begins scraping it off onto her plate, and then eating it with her fork, making grossed out faces. "So.....let me get this straight. You took all that off, and now you're eating it separately?" "I don't want her to find it on my plate." "I'm sure it happens all the time, she's got to be use to it by now." "I don't want her to think i'm a jerk." "She won't say anything..." She takes the spoon out of her shake and drops a dab of ice cream into my pepsi. I act like i don't notice until it plops in, then i feign shock. she laughs. She steals one of my fries and tries to feed it to me. I move my head towards it and she pulls it away. she puts it in her mouth, partially hanging out. I lean forward and bite it out and eat it. Earlier we were sitting in the lounge, and i offered her an m&m. she picked up the bag, poured out the remaining m&m's, and made a long trail of m&m's on the table like bread crumbs. At the start of the trail was me, at the end of the trail was her. She laid her head down on the table and puckered her lips. I could not stop laughing. I slowly ate the m&m's, one by one, laughing and eventually i got to her face, which was still lying on the table, lips puckered. i kissed her. I was laughing the entire time. "Oh hamburg inn," i say, presently. "How you make me have to pewp." "Pewp?" she repeats, smiling, completely charmed. "Yes. in a minute, i'm going to go to the bathroom and my stomach is going to explode." "Are you going now?" "No, in a minute." "What are you doing tonight?" "Writing a paper." "Oh, right." "Yeah, that's where i'm going after this." "Oh!...oh." "Yeah." We eat. i finish. "I'm the fastest eater in the west." "I'm slow." "I'm gonna go." She looks confused, betrayed. her face looks suddenly mad, scared. "Now?" she indicated to the table as if she wasn't done eating, as if we hadn't paid, as if i hadn't paid. "To the bathroom" "OHHhhhh...ok." on the wall is graffitti. "Kerry is pro war and even richer than bush!" on the wall is response to that graffitti. "Obviously an educated one -- Richer isn't a word." "War is terrorism" someone changed it to "warren beatty is terrorism." i love people. "How was it?" "Good." "Color?" "Burgundy." "Solid or kidna runny?" "runny." "Smell?" "Yeeaaaah "You know what smelly burgundy runny poop means, right? IT MEANS YOU'RE GAY!!!!!" Upstairs we divide the money and leave, and at first she is just walking with me before i point out she is walking the opposite direction from where she lives, from where she is going. "..unless... you're going downtown for something.." "No.. i was just...." "Ok, well i'm gonna go home.." she turns me around so she can see my face in the light. we kiss goodbye and i start to walk away, and she seems charmed again, and sad, like she's being torn away from me. i wonder if this is the only time this will ever happen to me in my life and remind myself not to do that to myself. 050928 what's it to you? who go blather from