i_dreamt_that_i_dreamt_05 crOwl lilly was pleasantly exhausted. the unexpected success from the sale of her flower paintings and that second piece of velvety fudge cake for dessert placed her in the kind of euphoric haze she could easily get used to. she hummed making her way to the bathroom beginning her nightly routine. she looked forward to dreaming like a primrose waiting for dusk so it can bloom. brushing her teeth lazily, she smiled at herself in the mirror with a mouthful of frothy, white suds: tossled hair, sunburnt cheeks a twinkle of pride. it was the first time she felt like somebody since her parents were killed. ideas for new paintings swirled in her head. she spit a glob into the small sink, stuck her mouth under the faucet, rinsed, spit, and glided into the bedroom, almost tripping over coltrane who tried to beat her in. she pushed open the door finding gavin already in bed with the book he was reading open on his chest. he was snoring with the light on. lilly giggled. 070814 ... crOwl coltrane snaked around lilly's legs and leapt upon the bed, making a clumsy beeline across the quilt to gavin, licking him awake. lilly halfheartedly tried to stop him, falling forward into a tangle of laughter, twisted blankets and dog breath. gavin's book tumbled to the rug, its pages splayed open. "you snore like there's a popped balloon up your nose," lilly said, kissing him on the tip. her hair tickled his face. gavin rolled his eyes and reached with his right hand to put lilly's growing out bangs behind her left ear. "you know what?" he said, swallowing. his eyes were heavy with sleep. "i'm really proud of you." she leaned in and kissed his dry lips. coltrane whined. he could taste the peppermint still fresh on her breath. 070817 ... crOwl one thing led to another. kisses became longer. hands wandered to sensitive places. moans punctuated the silence. coltrane jumped off the bed and hid. when lilly rode gavin, her back to him, his hands guiding her up and down, she mused over the highlights of the best day of her life. this is where i've always wanted to be. i'm doing it, she told herself. i'm getting paid for what i love to do. however, in the world of her dreams, everything was different. typically, it was a place of escape. but now, it worried her. there was no warning when sleep eventually sapped her of all her happily delerious pheromones. dreams for lilly had hands that tugged violently. arms that held her against her will. 070826 ... crOwl somewhere around two am, she woke from an image so disturbing her own soundless screaming startled her. she sat up wildly and realized she was sweating. seeing gavin asleep beside her whirled her back to some sense of normalcy, yet coltrane's tender whining and concerned sniffing alerted her to the fact that she had somehow crossed a fine line between waking and sleeping. her heart raced. her breathing was short. she was frightened of her own self. slowly laying back down, she knew there was no way she could even close her eyes, fearing what she would see, and so she gently pushed off the covers and tiptoed into her art space. coltrane followed her, his nails clicking across the wooden floors. she dug maniacally into the paints, riffling and searching for the greens of thinned arching leaves, the peaches of flesh, the steely greys of guns. she worked frantically. at dawn, she collapsed in a cushiony chair next to a window permitting the earliest mention of morning. wrapping a blanket around herself, forming a cocoon against all that was threatening to suck her back into that world that wanted to destroy her, she sank into oblivion. coltrane curled himself into a ball at her feet. gavin's alarm sounded at seven. when he found lilly gone, he shot out of bed and moved quickly through the house looking for her. when he stepped into her art room and saw her asleep, his eyes averted to the canvas. he tiptoed reverently up to it and gazed. he could feel his heart catching in his throat. there was the little boy she had mentioned that loved her earlier work of grass, standing in a jungle. next to him was a young man pointing a handgun to his head. 070829 what's it to you? who go blather from