human_among_humans sardines I don't have a bed. I sleep on a sleeping bag, on the floor in my room. My room is small. I wish it were even smaller though. Right now I can take like, two steps one way across, and three the other way. That seems like too much. It always seems like too much. It would be awesome to just walk up to someone on the street and grab him or her by both shoulders then scream, It's, always, too-much. It feels embarrassing when I require too much of the world. My ideal room would only have room for like, three of me lying down. Or maybe just some kind of harness I could hang from, outside. Yeah, but I sleep on a sleeping bag, on the floor in my room. And I like it yeah. It's good. I'm not trying to be dramatic. I like it. One thing I don't like though is when I've worn the same socks long enough to hurt the hair on my feet and legs and ankles. That's the situation right now and I don't like it (just being honest). Yeah, so lying down on my sleeping bag bed I always daydream about the completely leveled landscape of Chicago, yeah. Were mind enough, I'd have done it by now! Cool, dude! And you would have come across the Midwest and had to pass an empty place, me standing in the middle of it, laughing. Cool, dude! I can see my breath in the room right now. It is always very dark in my room. It is always dark in my room because the lightbulb in the ceiling fan stopped working and I am never going to change it. I am never going to change the lightbulb for no other reason than knowing I will never change it. There are times I still look at the fan and even try the switch, yes. But I will never change the lightbulb and I know this room will always be really cold. Haha. When someone calls something pointless, and it's meant as an insult, I am confused. No I don't know. Another thing I don't have right now in addition to a bed, is a job. Right now my job is lying on my sleeping bag in my room while thinking about getting a job. Right now I am doing my job. And I can hear my roommate walking around in the hallway. I remain very still so he will not find me and then begin a conversation. I have no job. Yesterday I completed an online application for a job as a martial-arts instructor. I kept thinking that what I would do is, I would lie that I had really good martial-arts skills. Then I would see how long I could get away with working at the place before they found out I had been improvising fighting moves that only seemed effective but didn't actually work. I even thought of names for the moves, and also their origins. To the first lesson or whatever, I would wear only underwear and say that that was the traditional apparel for my discipline. Then I would give a name to my discipline and a geographic location—probably mountainous—where I was trained. It would be nice to even get away with like two weeks working the job because then I could maybe have grocery money for a while. I just want to buy groceries and sleep on top of them. Yeah. I'm hoping to find an advertisement for a job that entails worrying when removing your hand from your pockets because you always think you are dropping something so you turn around and check the ground and shit but nothing, but maybe something, but always maybe something. I don't know what I'm talking about. A couple of nights ago I was in my sleeping bag bed reading and waiting to feel weak enough to fall asleep. I heard a girl somewhere in a different apartment. It sounded like she was trying to orgasm. I didn't hear anyone else, just her. No, I heard her and the bus and traffic sounds from outside and my own ears ringing (just being honest). I heard those things too. The girl voice tried for a while and then I couldn't hear her. It sounded like maybe she got bored. Or maybe she has soundless orgasms, just to herself. That would be fucking radical. Total containment. I would understand that. I want to blow up inward haha! Your eyeballs have no bedtime because they never close their eyes haha! No I don't know. I like reading alone in my room on the floor waiting to go to sleep. It's the closest thing that makes me think the word perfection and have the word perfection flash through my headhole in neon letters. My roommate knocks on my door and I try not to move. My heart is beating fast. He knocks again and then leaves. I win. This is but one of the many victories I have exampled as a human among humans. I have no equals. My strength goes unmatched. My roommate returns and knocks on my door again. He says, Hey man you got some mail. It looks like coupons. I'll just put it under the door here for you. He tries to push the mail through the bottom of the door and the mail bends a lot and it takes him many pushes to get it through. He walks down the hall and I am one person being one person again. 121201 what's it to you? who go blather from