hazy flux i said i felt bad that you weren't able to come out on this trip and partake in the fun and meet my friends. but at the same time, if you had, it would have, i think, changed the nature of the trip quite a bit. i don't think it would have ended up as wild, i don't think it would have ended up as intense, and i'm really not sure how well you would have clicked with the other folks in the car. they louder than you, younger, more comfortable with open and innocent affection, and i think that would have gotten under your skin. it would also would have been much more crowded - we could sleep three in there with all our crap, but four would have been out of the question. three people also fit much better in a queen sized bed, and it's much easier to sneak one extra person into and out of a hotel than two. maybe most importantly, i wouldn't have had a chance to get to know and fall for a girl who'd up to this point only been a longtime acquaintance. not that anything will come of that, more than giving each other knowing eyes across the 5805 klicks of road that spanned the journey. if you had been there, i'm pretty sure your own feelings for me that i've been trying to dissuade would have interfered in this connection, somehow. of course i'm being awfully presumptuous saying all this. i don't actually know you as well as it looks like i'm pretending to, reading over what i've just wrote. maybe all i really wanted to say was, i can't see how i could have had a better time than the way it was. we'll have our own adventure some day. 090920 ... epitome of incomprehensibility Haze and breeze have the same ending: a slight puff of air to spread the sibilant. Far-off wildfires infiltrated this air and cloaked the sun in orange. I noticed this a couple of days ago. Things were off-colour: just a little dirty. I googled "smog montreal" as if it was some sort of festival. Pop Montreal? Blue Metropolis? Smog Montreal. Slightly Orange Metropolis. When the warning of bad air quality descended, the air no longer bothered me. Like the planes roaring through the window over my sleeping self - teeth-gratingly grinding a few weeks ago, now a lazy morning lullaby. I've been lazy about writing lately. This weekend is a craft_show - *art* show, rather, because the Dorval Artists are running it. Anyway, it meant me sitting outside, shaded by a tent, in the uncertain hazy windy morning. Then the sun burst out, a noon sweat for us. At last a near-perfect, 24-degree-ish breezy afternoon. After a brief pause at home, I went to a book launch, then confronted two fears at once: fear of dehydration and fear of being alone in an enclosed space. I'm not kidding - my anxieties are specific and a little silly - but all that is relatively unrelated to the haze, so my hazy mind will seek sleep and my mouth some herbal tea. Because maybe the haze held in the cool breeze *is* making it scratchy. 250607 what's it to you? who go blather from