divination raze the receptionist at his office said, "you have to go see this lady. she reads tea leaves. she'll change your life." so he made an appointment. he drove out to essex on his lunch break. he met her at her house. she had dark hair. she made tea without using a strainer and poured him a cup. they sat down at her dining room table and faced each other. she asked him to drink the tea. he did. it tasted like tea made by a stranger. it wasn't bitter or sweet. it was just there. when he was finished, she took the cup from him, swirled it around, and studied the pattern the leaves made after settling at the bottom. she told him he was going to meet a woman. he was going to feel an instant attraction. the woman was going to have dark hair. she was going to work from home. she was going to live in essex. she recorded the reading with a small cassette deck that had a built-in microphone. one of those hidden mics that captures a more robust sound than you'd think a thing you can't see should be able to. she gave him the tape. he thanked her, paid her, and left. she called him at his office a few hours later. "i never do this," she said, "but i was talking with one of my girlfriends. i told her i really felt a strong connection with you. i think you're someone who would be safe for me to get involved with. you have a good aura. i'm having a few friends over later for drinks. i'd like you to come." he hung up the phone and killed the tape with his stapler. he ran into the receptionist on his way out. "so?" she said. "how'd it go?" "you were right," he said. "she's really something." 210828 ... tender square back in 1979, my mother had her tea leaves read when she was seventeen and the prognosticator told her that three blond angels were coming into her life. she met my father and his two young daughters not long after. she still has the handwritten piece paper where she wrote about all the symbols that appeared in her upturned cup. i've been trying to write a series of poems based on the reading for some time now, as a way of articulating my family's origins, but i've been struggling with it. 210828 ... tender square diana the querent i. "i am thinking of immigrating somewhere but i won’t go, something will delay me" one big suitcase, a light blue hard-shelled future containing clothes & my hairstyling diploma. california’s desert beckoned, heat haze of glazed pavement and spikey topped trees. —how long do you intend to stay in the states, miss? the meter climbs as the taxi idles outside the windsor-detroit tunnel, my sweaty palms smearing the ink on my one-way ticket. i lie, tell the border agent i’m caring for a sick uncle, my return date unknown. —do you have anything to declare? i wish i could divulge my dreams, the slosh of tea leaves that formed a ladder in the future quadrant of my cup. i drink it in: hollywood stylist to the stars, trading in my suffocating mother for the suffocating heat, living the lineage of uncle david who settled on the coast without permission, dirt biking in the dusty hills. —proceed to the customs office for a secondary search. too many friends said my plans were foolish. as the agents rummage through my scant belongings, i imagine the airport kiosk announce my name for final boarding… "but i won’t go, something will delay me…" how can i collect my nerve to try when i am refused, when i am returned, sheepishly, to my mother’s door, when i am breaking the news by phone to uncle david and he suggests i take the bridge, when i am unsure if i have it in my heart to fail two times in a single day. 210828 ... unhinged i take the deck of tarot cards out of the divided container that holds my art supplies and my runes and tarot. i keep them all out in the open where i will be more likely to use them. i focus on the feel of the cards in my hand...they are awkwardly sized for my relatively small hands. i place the deck on my third eye, on my throat, on my heart. what taras do i need today? i shuffle them sideways and repeat: third eye, throat, heart shuffle repeat if i focus hard enough while i shuffle one of the tara cards that helps me choose my mantras for the day will be right on top. when i don't focus on the shuffle, i can flip more than a dozen cards before two taras appear for my chanting practice. no matter how long it takes to reveal them, the tarot always knows which taras i need 210829 what's it to you? who go blather from